Moving On
by yayhodr
Summary: (Formely Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost) Fili and Thorin are thought to have been killed in the Battle of Five Armies. Kili survives, becoming King Under the Mountain. But with all the secrets surrounding his brother and uncle's deaths, things may slowly begin to reveal themselves as something other than what they seem. Currently on haitus due to writers block
1. Shock

After the shock that Fili and Thorin were actually dead, that his brother and his uncle, both beloved and adored by him, were never going to come back, the first thing that hit him was that he would have the duty of telling his mother and all those who loved Fili and Thorin dearly that they were dead. The second, and more alarming thought, was that he was the next in the line of succession. He wasn't ready for that, he had not truthfully expected that. And Thorin had been right in telling him that he knew nothing of the world. Even Fili had known more. Kili had just gone through his life admiring his older brother, and almost idolizing his uncle. He'd been so determined to impress his uncle throughout this quest- to prove himself to everyone. Sure, he had grown up on this journey, but had always screwed up more than once. And it had been his idea that he and Fili should go defend Thorin, who had fallen, injured, on the battle field. And now look where it had gotten them- Fili and Thorin had been buried in tombs, and Kili stood alone- the sole heir to the throne of Erebor.

Upon his awakening, Gandalf and Balin had been loath to tell Kili of his brother and uncle's deaths, and the rest of the company had helped out. But they had all seemed sad, and they had all looked at Kili with pity and also reverence- the way one would look at the crown prince. Bilbo had not even really been able to look Kili in the eye, no doubt feeling awkward about the whole incident with the Arkenstone. And then Bofur, good natured but slightly lose tongued, had revealed it, asking Kili how he was coping with the very real possibility of becoming king now that his brother and uncle were dead.

Kili had looked at Bofur in horror, as Balin and Gandalf had stood, frozen, eyes wide and Gandalf wincing slightly. And then Kili had begun to wonder what that loud scream echoing in the room was, sounding like the few human children he had come across. And then, he had realized that it was, in fact, rising from his own chest, a shout so shrill and sharp that it would shatter glass, had there been any in the room.

Tears had flooded his face, raining down on his blankets and pillows. And Bofur had looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole. And the shouting had continued for several moments, until Kili's voice had simply given out and he had still screamed then, his voice raspy and almost silent, as Balin and Gandalf attempted to calm him. But nothing had worked, and they had been forced to wait until he wore himself out- and even then he had sobbed and shouted, completely voiceless, no sound at all escaping his throat.

He had called for Thorin and Fili, shouted their names, his voice not forming the words, his lips simply mouthing their names. And then he had blacked out from exhaustion, waking up a few hours later to find Bilbo bringing him tea. He had lain in bed for days, often crying softly. And even after, he would wake up screaming for Fili and Thorin.

Kili's hand rose to his throat. His throat still ached from the screams, and the screaming nightmares that had woken him for the last week few weeks. He was grieving, basically alone, although the others in the company grieved as well- but they busied themselves with preparing Erebor for their people's return. Upon them receiving word, via word of mouth no doubt, or by Gandalf; it would take them but a few months to return to Erebor, without the detours and the problems that the company had faced. And until then, the 11 remaining members of the company had worked, with help from Dain's people, and the odd elf and man, to ready this place for their people.

Kili now remained mostly alone, working in silence, on the other side of Erebor mostly. The lonely king, grieving alone for the man who should have been king, and the brother that he simply wanted by his side, dreading the day that his mother and kin returned to Erebor and he had to be strong for her.

And not only her, but Fili's intended, a young dwarf lass with a moderately attractive beard and some strange qualities not befitting a young dwarf girl, who had often been teased by others for her differences- which was why she and Fili and Kili had become friends. Dwarves were a proud race, very much rooted in their traditions, and weren't found of anything that became vaguely different. Above all, dwarves loved what made them dwarves- and young dwarves were quick to mock anything different. It stopped by their 30th year or so, and the parents, when they found out, were quick to control the situation, but the three of them, and a number of other dwarves who had been different in some way, had become friends. But there had never been any self-pity, for any of them. Just a determination to prove they were still just as good as any of the more normal dwarves.

Eivor- the young dwarf lass- had always seemed to fawn after Fili, favoring him just slightly. And then, only a year and a half before their quest had begun, the two had begun courting. Fili had hoped to ask for her hand, with his 14th of the treasure. But now, Kili thought as he stopped his work for just a moment to inspect what he had done, that would not happen. And he, being the only one who knew Fili's intentions, had no clue whether to tell her this or not. She was strong, like all dwarf women were, and surely would move on- but they had been close. And Balin kept referring to "the grieving process".

Which led to the other reason Kili chose to work alone. Everyone kept hovering over him, worried about how he was handling things. And he wasn't handling things. And he didn't want to admit that.

He wanted to prove himself. That he would be fine without help. That even though he missed Thorin and Fili with every fiber of his being; that he would be strong. That even though he was young; he would be the kind of ruler that Thorin would have been. That, like Balin had done with Thorin, people would see Kili and think him a wise ruler, one they could follow and call king. He would never be Thorin- his deeds would never be that great, but he would emulate his king and uncle for as long as he lived.

* * *

' "Laddie, you look like the last time you slept was before The Battle," Dwalin noted as he brought food to Kili, about a month after the battle.

Kili didn't say anything, didn't look up, just shrugged and kept working on the suite he was renovating. It had been his mother and Thorin's chamber as children, according to Balin, and he hoped to have it perfect when his mother returned home, as it would function nicely as a home for the two of them as it was separated from most of Erebor, along with the other members of the royal family's chambers.

He became aware of Dwalin's eyes on him, and he shrugged again. "I've slept since then," he grunted, moving on into the next chamber. Dwalin followed with a long suffering sigh. No doubt he had been "mothering" Ori all day.

"When? When you were out of action for five days?" Dwalin accused. "We're all worried about you, boy," he said gruffly.

Kili shrugged. "I'm just dealing with things the best way I know how."

"You're not dealing with things, and everyone knows it," Dwalin said, his voice gruff. "I know that you miss them, and we all understand- but we want to help, boy."

"All we want is to help you," said Ori, who had come in with some supplies. "You're our king now, and Erebor will never be successful if you shut us all out and we can't support you through this –_difficult _time. We just want to help. Please let us?" Ori, with his wide eyes and innocent demeanor, had often tried in the last few weeks, to be a comfort to Kili, or a companion at least, only being pushed a way.

"I just need some time," Kili said, sitting down on the only seating in the chamber that wasn't too bedraggled to sit on. He looked down. "I know you all loved them, but they were my uncle and brother. I didn't even know my father, and Thorin was the only father I ever knew. And Fili- well my world basically revolved around him when I was young. I am not sure how to carry on without them."

"Somehow, you will have to," said Dwalin. "Your mother- you have her, and she is a strong woman. You will have to hold each other up," he said. "She would be disappointed in how you are handling this, even though she would understand."

Kili couldn't bear the thought of disappointing his mother- it would break him even worse than losing Thorin and Kili. "I can't do that. She's all I have," he said softly, his voice broken.

Ori patted his arm. "You'll get through everything. We'll be here for you," he encouraged.

It was unsurprising, really, that they would stick together. They had been through so much and they had become like brothers. But they would never replace Kili.

Kili knew that, he always had. But as he sat, fixing a table, listening to Ori talk about the plans for the day, he didn't know how he was going to. Fili should be there- right beside him, joking, laughing, double checking his work. Thorin should be the one seated upon the throne, that place would never be Kili's. and even though he had to take that spot, it would never feel right. Not when Thorin had never taken up that spot. It had always been a place that Thorin belonged- and a place Kili had never thought he would need to be, one that he had never wanted to be.

* * *

2 months. It had been two months and maybe four or five days since last he had seen his brother. Over two months since he had last heard his uncle tell him that they would be okay- that things would get better. He missed his family with every fiber of his being, and all he wanted was to hug Fili again, or have a conversation with Thorin again.

Family had always been all they had- and both his mother and Thorin had raised Fili and Kili to value them, seeing as they had lost everything- including their father and grandfather and brother. It had made the family unit stronger. And yet here he sat, two months later, and he had not even visited their graves. He could just see his mother's reaction upon learning that. But he was afraid- because for him, until he saw the graves, there was a part of him that could deny it. A part of him that could hope that Fili would come bounding through the doors, his sword in hand, calling Kili to come practice sparring. A hope that he would walk past the throne room, and see Thorin seated upon the throne that Kili was still unable to even look at. The one that the others had urged him to sit on.

As it was, Dain had done most of the ruling until now, as everyone had agreed that a grieving boy-king would not be in everyone's best interest. But, he knew once his mother arrived, he would have no choice but to take up Thorin's place. A place that he could keep on denying was vacant until he was faced with Thorin's grave.

"You really do need to go see their graves, pay your respects," Balin urged. "Before your mother arrives," he added, "and seeing as we do not know when she will arrive, you ought to do it soon," he warned with an encouraging smile. Balin was always encouraging, always friendly. Kili had always almost thought of Balin as a surrogate grandfather.

"I- can't," Kili looked down. "I can't accept it."

"You're going to have to," Balin said, his voice more stern.

"Just give me a week. One week, to be prepared. To find them parting gifts and get my thoughts together. One week, and then I'll go," he said softly. Balin nodded.

"I'll leave you be," he said, and then the older dwarf was gone, and Kili was left alone, sitting on the floor of the great hall, listening to Ori, Dori, and Nori chat as they worked on the other end.

He'd give anything to have his big brother back.

* * *

"It's been a week, laddie." Balin said when he found Kili in what Bombur had claimed has his room, the room right off the kitchen. Bombur, having noticed, being Bombur, that Kili hadn't been eating much, had accosted Kili on his way back from a short trip to Dale and sat him down and talked him into eating. Bombur understood loss, in a way, having gone through it with his parents and then to a degree with Bifur.

Kili sighed. "I know," he said softly, standing up.

Bombur spoke up. "We can go with you," he offered quietely.

"No, I need to do this alone," Kili said, and then smiled sadly. "Thank you, though, for the food," he offered.

He made his way to the burial area. Set apart was the royal family's tombs. He stood, quietly there for a while, one hand resting on the door. Finally, he worked up the courage to push the doors open and walked inside, fingering the parting gifts he had purchased for Thorin and Fili.

He knelt at Thorin's grave first. Orcrist rest on top of them grave, gleaming softly; never to glow blue again. He kneeled at the foot of it, and just sat quietly, staring at it. He ran his fingers across the smooth stone. His uncle lay there. "You should be here, uncle. You should be in my place and I should be in that tomb. I tried to save you, but I failed," he said, his voice and mind filled with bitter regret. "You would have been a great king. You were a great king to our company," he said, softly. "I just wish you were here. That throne, it belongs to you, The crown belongs to you. It's not my place. It's never been my place."

He swallowed the lump his throat with difficulty, and looked down. "I wish you were here to help me. I wish you could have sat on that throne and been king under the mountain," he said. It didn't feel silly, talking to a grave. "It was always my dream for you. I used to lie in bed at night and think about you being the king under the mountain. And I was always so _proud _in my head," he said softly. "Azog is certainly dead," he mumbled. "He died of his wounds that you caused, and they burned his body. You won that. I guess that's a comfort and all, but I'd rather have you alive than him dead," he sighed.

"Fili- he died though. That's what makes everything worse. We saw you on the field, lying broken, and we wanted to defend you. I got really badly injured, and passed out, and Fili died trying to protect us both," Kili sighed. "I just really miss you. And I wish I could bring you back."

He stood up, and moved to Fili's grave. And there he stood, numb, for quite some time. His brother was in there. His other half, lay in that grave, and he would sleep there eternally. Kili just stood in stoic silence, taking in- the name, the beautiful stone. Fili had been given a grave befitting a prince, and Kili was comforted by that.

Kili hadn't asked much about Thorin and Fili's deaths- hadn't desired to know. He knew that he had been knocked out defending Thorin, and that Fili had been killed defending Thorin, also thinking he was defending Kili's body more than likely. Kili choked back a strangled noise at that- if he hadn't been so foolish and got himself injured, then Fili would be with him today. Perhaps there would be no saving Thorin- but there would have at least been Fili.

He thought to his mother, and how he was going to have to break the news to her. How he would have to tell Eivor. How he would have to tell everyone that had loved Fili and Thorin. How he would have to tell all the people who were expecting Thorin to be their king that Thorin was dead. How by most of his people's standards, he wasn't much, looking more like a man than a dwarf save for size.

He sighed, and grabbed his chin, almost hoping that more of a beard would grow in. He would have to figure out how to work around it with archery, but he was not looking forward to ridicule without Fili there to assure him that everything was fine.

He knelt down at Fili's grave, laying his head against the cool stone and let tears fall. It was different with Fili then it was with Thorin. Thorin had been his uncle, his war hero, legend of an uncle. But Fili had been his older brother- and everything Kili had aspired to be. Fili had always been there, and Kili had always assumed he would be there, just a shout away. And now, no matter how much he shouted, Fili would not come running to rescue his little brother.

"Fili, I need you, I need you to come back. I need you to help me. I can't make sense of this and I'm so lost and confused. I don't know how to live without you guiding me. I'm going to accidently collapse Erebor or misplace the crown or fall down the stairs at my official coronation and break my neck and end the line of Durin. Because I can't do this without you and Thorin. And you're not here. And it's not fair. It's not fair that you left us and I have to tell mom, and wrap my head around all of this pain and be there for her and all of our kin. It's not fair, and I need you to come back," by this point, Kili was sobbing softly, gripping the edge of his brother's tomb.

"Fili, I miss you so much. I'm lost, and confused, and in pain. And I just need my older brother," Kili pleaded. "I don't want to be Kili without Fili. I want to be Fili and Kili. It's all I've ever known and I didn't want a change. I just want my big brother," Kili said, not even bothering to choke back his tears. "I need you."

Kili knelt back, staring at his brother's grave. "You promised me, Fili. You promised me that you would always be there for me. That you would always protect me. But you didn't have to die fulfilling that promise. Not when I need you more now. This isn't fair," he sniffled.

He stared down at his knees. "I wish I had died and you had lived."

* * *

AN: Eivor is a minor plot point. I've already developed her quite clearly, and I'm definetely Mary Sue proofing her.

I originally started this because Fili and Kili are my favorite dwarves in the book and I have had a lot of feelings about them and just wondering about what would have happened if one had died. I chose Kili because he is younger and it would be even more shocking for him.

I always thought that dwarves, while secretive and withdrawn, would openly grieve in private. Gimli openly grieved in Moria.

A lot of Kili's experiences are based upon my own experiences with death and the grieving process.


	2. Numb

Chapter 2: Numb

* * *

He took a mouthful of his beer, listening to the others grow louder. He didn't understand how people could be happy. Fili was dead. Thorin was dead. The other 10 didn't even seem sad anymore, save when they looked him, with something akin to pity and sadness. He had been doing worse since the day at their graves. Balin had found him, some hours later, and had been forced to call for Dwalin when Kili had simply refused to leave his brother's grave.

The passageways had shaken with Kili's screams of "No," and "Don't make me leave them," and "I hate you," as Dwalin had dragged Kili out of the tombs. Kili had fought, as hard as he could- even biting Dwalin at one point- to escape and go back to his brother and uncle, but Dwalin had won the battle, and Kili had found himself locked in his chamber, lying face down upon his bed and sobbing.

Kili looked up from his beer to find Dwalin glaring at him. Dwalin was more perceptive then most dwarves, and had known Fili and Kili since they were just babies. He knew Kili well enough to pick up on some things that none of the others would- although, Kili suspected that Bifur also knew more than he let on, since only a few could understand him. It must be sad for him, Kili thought- to have lived, but be unable to communicate.

Maybe other people did have problems, Kili thought. Bofur and Bombur had to watch their cousin be just a shadow of his former self. Balin had loved Thorin for most of Thorin's life, and when Thorin had lost Thrain and Thror and then Frerin, Balin had been all Thorin and their mother had really had, until Fili and Kili had come along, 82 years ago.

82 years old.

Fili had been only 82 years old when he died. That was old, for men who weren't of Numenor and hobbits, but quite young for most other races and for dwarves, it was just a child. 19, Bilbo had figured out once. In Hobbit and Human years, Fili had been about 19. Kili was 17 or 18, depending on how one rounded. They had been just children in the eyes of dwarves. And now his brother was dead.

Kili took another gulp of his beer, and then, with a heaving sigh, tilted his head back, downing the rest of it before standing to get another. He was already on his third, and probably almost to his limit before things got hairy. Dori, sitting nearest to the barrel, gave him a concerned look, but then turned to Ori to lecture him on something and Kili slipped by, filling his mug again. He slipped back to his place on the floor, nursing his mug, and took small mouthfuls, now feeling the affects.

But he wasn't numb yet. And he just wanted to be numb.

* * *

An hour, and 10 mugs later, Kili was a mess. He couldn't walk straight, he had made friends with the wall, he had tried to take Bombur's beard, and now he was currently trying to climb a pillar as Nori and Oin attempted to get him down. He didn't know what he was doing- he wasn't even thinking. He was just following impulse. Even if that impulse ended in him getting yelled at in Khazad-dul by Bifur when he tried to take Bifur's ax to fight an empty beer barrel with.

Kili clung to the pillar with all his might as Nori attempted to jump up and grab him. And then a thought crashed through Kili's head like a dragon, crashing through the mountain to claim the treasure. He would not be allowed to forget- to feel numb. Not for long. Nori stopped in shock when Kili started sobbing. The last time Kili had been clinging to a high place, his brother had been with him. And he didn't want to remember. Not Fili, Not Thorin. Not tonight. "Can I not have just one night where I don't have to remember?" he moaned in despair as he slid down the pole, landing with a thud on Oin, who let out a soft _oof _upon impact. Kili's head bounced off cold stone floor with a distinct _thwack _and he rolled off Oin with a groan of pain, staying flat on the floor.

Nori spoke up. "There are better ways to not think about them. You don't need to give yourself the worst hangover known to dwarf, elf, man or hobbit to do that," he said with a roll of his eyes. "Or attempt to squish Oin flat," he added with a meaningful look towards the other dwarf, who had sat up with a pained look on his face. "Get yourself together," Nori added before helping Oin up and leaving, since they were no longer needed to chase their future king up a pillar.

Everything hurt. Fili should have been there to comfort Kili and make him feel better about doing something foolish. Thorin should have been there, lecturing Kili on how he was a leader, and how he needed to grow up. Kili groaned and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling with a heavy sigh.

He stared there for a while, thinking back to when he was child, no more than maybe 30 years old and he had gotten himself seriously injured one day when he had followed Thorin to work because Fili was being rude to him. A horse hadn't seen him and had been spooked by him and kicked him over, breaking his arm and knocking him out. And he had lain there, injured and unconscious in the street, for over an hour, until Fili had gone to find Thorin because he had been worried about Kili disappearing.

_"Kili?" Fili appeared, leaning over Kili with a concerned look on his face. "Oh. You're bleeding," he said, looking upset. "and your arm….Kili what happened?"_

_Kili just groaned. Apparently, Fili was triplets now. He decided to name the other two Bili and Wili. "Kili, talk to me!" Fili demanded, the 35 year old, now cradling his younger brother in his arms. Kili blinked and shook his head a little._

_"Fili?"_

_"I'm here. I'm here now. What happened?"_

_"Horse-" he coughed. "A horse kicked me and I hit my head," he explained with difficulty. _

_Fili frowned, and stroked his brother's shoulder. "I'm here now. I'll take care of you. I don't think I can get you home because I don't want to move you, but I'll sit and wait here with you until Uncle walks by on his way home, or else comes looking for us when Mother tells him we're disappeared ," he said, scooping his brother into his arms. "Try to keep your hurt arm still, but Oin will probably have to reset it," he explained softly. _

_Kili let out a heavy sigh and buried his face in his brother's chest. "It's okay, your big brother is here now and he'll take care of you," Fili said softly. "I promised I always would take care of you, and I mean it." Kili snuggled his face deeper into his brother's chest, just looking for comfort. "Shhh. Uncle will come by soon, and know what to do," Fili said softly. "Why were you off on your own like that, silly?"_

_"Because you said I was a bad dwarf and no one would ever love me because of how I look," Kili sniffled. His sobs broke free and he openly wept, something he had really only ever been comfortable with when he was with his brother. _

_"Oh…Kili. I didn't mean anything by it. I was just mad because Mother wouldn't let me go out with my friends unless I took you because she thought you were lonely because no one really talks to you. I didn't mean for you to hear it," Fili said softly. "I am so sorry. I wasn't thinking and you know that sometimes I can say things I don't mean. You do it too. We get that from dad and Uncle Thorin. But I never meant to hurt you. I love you, you're my little brother. And I'll love you even if no one else does," Fili said, his voice resolved. "But Mother and Uncle will always love you too. We don't care that you're not hairy, or that you're fairer than most dwarves- you're our little Kili, and you'll always be our little Kili. Even when you're 250. You'll always be my little brother, and you'll always be Mother's baby and you'll always be Uncle's youngest nephew. You'll always be ours, and you're more than enough for us. I'm just stupid sometimes and worry about what people think when I should worry about my brother."_

_Kili moaned softly, snuggling into his brother. Fili rubbed his brother's back gently. "Where is that Uncle of ours?" Fili wondered out loud. "How are you?"_

_"Hurts."_

_"My words or your arm?"_

_"Both?" Kili moaned softly, and Fili rubbed his back softly again. "Fili, it hurts."_

_"I know. I know. I wish I could go back and never say those words," Fili said, scanning the street. "Why are people just ignoring us? You're in obvious pain, and they won't even pay us any attention. Surely they can't be too busy to come help."_

_"We look like two teenagers cuddling on the street. They think we're mad," Kili mumbled. "Uncle Thorin will come along and help me soon, and I probably could walk,"_

_"Your head is bleeding," Fili said, one hand reaching to wipe away blood. "and your eyes are odd. You're not moving, I won't cause you anymore pain, and I've heard that moving someone who is injured will hurt them worse. You're staying here until Uncle comes looking for us. He'll be done any minute now," Fili said, scanning the street._

_They stayed that way for a long while, Kili buried against his brother, Fili with his arms protectively around his brother, his hands rubbing at Kili's back, comforting him as Kili let out a whimper every once in a while. It began to grow dark, and still no one had come to find them. Thorin must have gone to someone's house for a drink, they both thought, and found out later, it was true. Finally, Fili let out a couple of shouts as a familiar pair of boots passed by. "Uncle! Uncle Thorin!" he cried, and Thorin, who had walked past, unaware of his nephews hiding in the darkness, stopped and turned._

_His face, which had looked annoyed, grew worried, and he hurried over and knelt down next to them. "Fili, what happened?" Thorin asked. _

_"A horse kicked him and he hurt his arm and I think he hit his head pretty hard too. He's bleeding too, I didn't want to leave him to get help because he's been shaking and he looked so sad. And it's my fault so I wanted to comfort him," Fili explained._

_Thorin gently took Kili's arm. "It looks like a break to me, but I'm not a doctor or a healer. And he probably just gave himself a concussion, or he could be a little dazed. How long have you been sitting here?" _

_"A couple of hours. Since maybe an hour before the sun went down," Fili supplied. "People kept walking past us and not helping. Kili thought that they thought we were mad."_

_Thorin cursed, and removed his cloak. "Wrap this around him, and take him straight home. Tell your mother I went for Oin. Be gentle with him, your mother will kill us if his break is worsened," he said._

_Fili did as he was told, Kili, who had remained silent, hurting too bad to talk, complying with his brother's tender care, feeling relieved that he would soon be taken care of. "I'll get blood on your cloak." He protested weakly._

_"It's not the first time, and it won't be the last. It's not a sentimental cloak," said Thorin, who had never really been a very sentimental person. Not having a real home would do that to someone. "You are far more important," he said softly. He had never been particularly loving towards Fili and Kili, so the sentiment that Kili's well-being did matter had meant a lot to Kili, and had always stuck in his mind, because it had been the first time Thorin had ever really shown any kind of love._

Eventually, Kili's wounds had healed, thanks in no small part to both Oin and his mother's skills as a healer and a mother, respectively. The wounds that Fili had caused, had been healed slower- but Fili had never stopped trying to make his brother understand that he really did care. In fact, the very next day, their mother had given him permission to go out with his friends. But Fili had refused to leave Kili's side, waiting hand and food on the younger brother, who swore he was fine. Between Fili and Dis, Kili had almost not been allowed out of his bed when he was better, and probably would have stayed in bed for a long while, had Thorin not intervened.

Not long after, they had met Eivor and the others who didn't fit in with the others. Fili had always fit in, had never really been different from the others, save for lineage, but he had still joined in with them, probably knowing from his experience with Kili that they just needed someone who was considered "typical" to understand. And Kili had always known that it had never been that Fili was just being nice- he actually loved each and every one of them, and cared that they were picked on for being different. The young were so cruel, but Fili, while stupid, occasionally arrogant, and a hot head, had never been cruel, and had certainly stopped running his mouth after Kili's injuries.

Fili had always been the one getting Kili out of trouble. Fili had grown out of being rash and impatient at a young age, while Kili was still very much rash and impatient. Fili had always been the hero- had always been Kili's hero. Saving Kili's hide from danger, taking the blame for Kili's mistakes sometimes, and protecting him from everything. Not all brothers had that special kind of love between them- none of the other brothers on the quest were quite as close, although they all came close. Most of the brothers had larger age differences, different goals in life, different paths up into the quest, or, in Nori, Dori and Ori's case, different fathers all together. Being born in exile had brought the brothers close, since there had been times that Fili, Kili, Thorin and Dis had been all that each other had. There was just something different about the bond between the brothers, and people had always noticed it. And it had been the best thing about Fili, in Kili's opinion- how protective and loving his brother- his best friend- had been.

It hurt to think that Fili was gone from the world, and Kili so wished he could bring him and his uncle back. It had been before their time, and that hurt the worst. Sometimes, he missed them so bad that he was in actual, intense pain. A few times, he had even thrown up from the pain, which was partially why he had stopped eating as often as he could have.

He opened his eyes. He was still staring at the ceiling of the dining hall, all alone. Everyone was just ignoring the would-be king's antics, but a few were casting him worried looks. He had been selfish. He understood that. He was scaring and worrying them. But everything hurt, and it was easy to get caught up in his grief. And he just wanted to allow himself to be numb.

All of a sudden, someone joined him on the floor. "Kili?" Ori said timidly, lying down shoulder to shoulder with Kili. "Do you need anything?" he asked, even more timid.

Kili smiled warmly. Ori, he didn't mind. Ori was sweet, and timid and had been willing to just listen without running his mouth on what he thought. Ori was probably, maybe, his best friend now that he didn't have Fili. "Another beer?"

"I'm afraid that Balin has cut you off. I could get you a cup of tea, though, or maybe your pipe?" the younger dwarf offered.

_Unbelievable. _ "No, it's fine," Kili slurred. The last two beers were starting to have maximum impact now, and he was feeling slightly unhinged.

Ori nodded, and they fell into an awkward silence, both lying on the cold, hard ground. "Why are we lying on the floor?" Ori asked after a moment.

"I'm trying to feel numb. And I think you joined me, but I'm pretty drunk, so for all I know, you're not real," Kili said, turning to look Ori.

Ori nodded. "Right. Okay. Well, I'm going to go talk to Oin and see if he'll make some his hangover cure because you are going need it," Ori said, standing up. "By the way, I'm on your other side, so the Ori you were talking to is not real," he said, before heading off, muttering something about how he thought Kili had gone mad.

Kili laughed derisively and sat up. He wasn't going insane. Not him. Everyone else was insane. He was positively sane.

* * *

"Kili?" Dwalin's voice sounded concerned.

"Yeah?" Kili didn't look up.

"Why are you hugging that pile of rubble?" Dwalin asked, his voice even more concerned.

"It's not a pile of rubble, it's my big brother, Fili and my dear uncle Thorin, and I have missed them dearly. So quiet, and let us have our joyous reunion," Kili slurred, hugging it tighter. "Thorin, you can be king. I want to do it, I'm too stupid."

"Right. This isn't going any further. Come on laddie," and with that, Dwalin lifted a kicking Kili over his shoulder.

"NO. FILI. SAVE ME. IT'S A TROLL."

Dwalin growled at that comment, and then winced as Kili bit into his shoulder. "If you weren't you, boy, I'd skin you alive," he mumbled, dragging him towards the kitchens, where, unbeknownst to Kili, Bofur and Gloin waited with a large tub of ice water.

Kili was so caught up in his struggling, and shouts for Fili and Thorin, that he didn't notice that Dwalin had released him, and he was airborne until he hit the ice cold water. He dunked under it, and then popped back up, thrashing and spluttering. His mind felt less clouded- and he felt very cold. "What was _that _for!" he shouted as he thrashed slightly.

"Because you're behaving like a child, and we just got word that your mother will arrive tomorrow," Gloin shrugged as Bofur helped the shivering young dwarf out of the tub of water, wrapping a cloak around him and handing him a cup of warm tea that Ori had been waiting with.

"Drink this," Bofur said. "and when you're finished, Ori will help you to your chambers so you can dry off and sleep it off, Oin has made some of his special hangover cure, and someone will bring that you to drink when you wake up."

"And you should note that we're not doing this for you," Dwalin added. "We're doing this for your mother. She deserves to hear the truth from you, and she deserves to hear it from a son who is behaving responsibly, and she deserves a son who can be strong."

"What he means is, that this can't happen anymore," Bofur said sympathetically. "It's a big shock, we understand, but she is about to have her whole world come crashing down, and this can't happen anymore."

Kili hung his head, as Ori offered his arm. "We'll still be there for you," Ori offered. "But you need to set an example for the others, they need a king. And your mother needs her son," he said softly. "Come on, you need to sleep," Ori said, pulling Kili out of the kitchens.

They somehow made it to Kili's chambers, and Ori shoved a change of clothes into Kili's arms, going into the other room, the one for Dis, to check something, before coming back once Kili had changed. He herded Kili into bed, and grabbed one of the extra blankets, laying it over Kili before heading for the door. "We'll wake you up the scouts see your mother's party is on the horizon so you can prepare yourself," he said, before blowing out the candle and leaving.

Kili fell asleep quickly, but he dreamt of his brother being crowned King Under the Mountain, and then he dreamt of Thorin not dying at all, but being the rightful king, with Fili as his heir and Kili as no more than a prince with responsibilities, but far less than Fili and Thorin. Not as much to ruin, and still having his brother and uncle. If only dreams like that came true.

* * *

A/N: I changed to make this chapter a little more silly, because Kili is being very much not himself. When one is grieving, you do things that aren't exactly normal- because you hurt. and you want to feel numb. and you just want to not care.

I'm emotionally exhausted from this chapter though, because some of what Kili feels is very, very close to things I have felt. I have never gotten piss ass drunk, but you know. Things are hard when you lose someone close.

If you want another side of feels, I'll add that canon tells us that Ori, who is fast becoming Kili's best friend- leaves Erebor with Balin about 50 years later, and is killed at some point in that period. So, while Kili is still quite young, he will, in fact lose his best friend again. Poor Kili. Can't catch a break.

So, I guess, go review, and don't forget, you can follow me on tumblr at sparklytatersgamgee or totheshireandback (totheshireandback is my soley Tolkien blog.), and you can add me on twitter at tatersgamgee. I'm also on AO3 at totheshireandback.


	3. Nightmares

_**Chapter 3: Nightmares**_

* * *

_Kili was running down a dark hallway, one without any doors, not in sight anyways.. He didn't know how he had gotten there, nor how he would get out. He just knew that he was stuck. He carried with him a small candle, that was growing smaller and smaller by the second. His light was going out, and then he would be stuck forever. _

_And if that wasn't enough, there were the screams. Echoing everywhere, reverberating off the walls. Thorin's cries of "KILI" and Fili's pleas of "HELP US". And then occasionally, they would switch, and Fili would be calling his name and Thorin would be shouting for help. Kili ran faster down the hall way, but as he got to what looked like the end, more hallway appeared, so he kept running, panting heavily and looking around for a door. He pounded on the walls, calling for his uncle and brother, sobbing softly._

_He just wanted to reach them. He just wanted to save them. He just wanted to see them again. He'd been robbed of being able to really, truly say goodbye- to shut their eyelids and dress them in their best armor and pick their favorite posessions to take with them, and stand at their graves and talk about their lives. He'd been robbed of that. And if he saw them now, then it had all just been a nightmare. It had all just been a dream, and he would wake up, and Fili would be there and Thorin would be there. _

_He ran farther, until he came to the end of the hallway, finally. And then, everything was on fire. And he was sobbing. Fili lay there, dead, a sword through his chest and scratches everywhere and an arrow sticking out of his neck. One of Kili's arrows. And Thorin was sitting up, but barely breathing, his eyes growing heavy. Kili scrambled over to his uncle, sinking down onto his knees and letting his uncle fall back against him. "I'll get you help," he promised. "I'll find you help, Uncle, and you'll get better. And Gandalf can heal Fili. He's a wizard,"_

_"No. Kili, my time is over. Your brother's time is over. It's up to you now. You have to take care of your mother," Thorin said weakly.. "We need you take care of your mother," he said, shaking with the little bit of passion he put into the sentence. Kili reached over and grabbed his uncle's hands._

_"I will, uncle," he said through tears. "I w-will take care of her. I'll make sure she's happy and safe," he promised._

_"Your brother needs to take care of Eivor and your friends, and I need you to take care of all our people," Thorin said with much difficulty. Blood was running down his face, pooling in the corner of his mouth, and his breathing was heavy and struggling. For the first time, Kili noticed the stab wound at his uncle's stomach, and the arrow in his shoulder._

_"I will. You know I will," Kili sobbed. "But please try to live, for me."_

_"I need you to take care of yourself," Thorin said, ignoring Kili's plea. _

_"I am," Kili lied, and Thorin opened his mouth to protest, but then let out a gasp of air. His eyes glazed over, focused on Kili, who sobbed openly, his hand gently stroking his uncle's cheek. He clutched his uncle to his chest, and sobbed._

_After a while, he let go of Thorin, setting his body down gently and crawled over to Fili, collapsing onto his brother's chest. "Oh Fili," he sobbed. "You knew I needed you. And you left me," he whimpered. "I want you back."_

_He ran his hand over his brother's bloodied face, and then closed Fili's eyes, before crawling back over and doing the same to Thorin. He stood, kissing the top of his fist at his thumb and then pressing his thumb to his heart. "G-goodbye," he said softly._

_And then, everything changed again, and Fili and Thorin were standing over him, yelling. "It's all your fault," Fili acussed, point at the sword in his chest. "You did this too me, because you're too stupid to stay out of trouble and defend yourself!" he shouted, jabbing a finger in Kili's face. Kili turned and sobbed._

_"No, Fili, I never meant for you to die, I just- It wasn't my fault that Goblin hit me in the head," he pleaded. He rubbed his arm, where there were still scars from the battle. "Fili, please," he pleaded, tears rolling down his face._

_Thorin shoved hard against his shoulders. "I said you should have stayed home. I said that you would cause problems. And now look, we're both dead and you're going to ruin Erebor. You should have died, and we should have lived. I told your mother that you should stay, but she told me that you were ready." He let out a snarl "You will never make a good king."_

_"Uncle, I will try. And I have the company by my side,"_

_"They probably all hate you too," Fili accused._

_"No!"_

_"I would. You got my king killed. You will __**never**__ be a king. You're nothing but the court jester, fit only for the amusement and entertainment of others," Fili snapped. _

_"No. I will be king. I'll be a good king," Kili argued, spiining aroumd, sobbing._

_"I'm not even sure you're a dwarf," Thorin said, his voice taunting. "You look more like a man or elf," he lifted Kili's hair, and grabbed Kili's ear, as if checking for elfin ears. Kili screamed in pain as he pinched down, hard._

_"I am a dwarf. I'm a good dwarf. Fili always told me that!"_

_"Fili lied," Fili mocked._

_And then, his brother and uncle were wargs, circling him, throwing taunts at him in his brother and uncle's voices, but snarling and snapping at him. Kili turned around quickly, trying to ignore the taunts as the wargs threw every single one of his insecurities at him, and then mocked him. And then, he turned around to see the warg with Fili's voice had once again been replaced with Fili, who held a sword in his hand. And before Kili could react, Fili had run him through with the sword, and Kili let out a pained shout, falling backwards just in time for Thorin to catch him._

_"You deserved this, Kili, for being the cause of our deaths," said Thorin, seriously, before stabbing Kili again. _

"Kili? Kili?" Ori's voice sounded in the room as Kili awoke, sobbing and screaming, sweating profusely. Kili laid in bed, staring at Ori in terror. "Kili, you were screaming and sobbing. Are you okay?" Ori asked. Kili breathed heavily, and shook his head. "What happened? What did you dream?" Ori asked as someone else bustled out of the room. "That was Dori. He probably just went to get you some water and some kind of sweet. He'll be back," Ori assured. "But you need to drink this," Ori said, holding out a glass of a blue liquid. "Some of Oin's hang over cure. You were pretty messed up last night," Ori said, helping Kili sit up.

Kili looked at him as he took it. "I- can't remember any of it. I can't remember anything after yesterday afternoon, when you begged me to go to the feast tonight," Kili admitted, before wincing at the light and raising the glass to his lips, tilting his head back to drink as much as he could.

"Do you remember your dream?" Ori asked, lighting a candle.

"I do. But I prefer not to talk about it. It was painful," Kili said. "Is there any word from my mother?"

"There was. We told you last night, but you were too drunk to remember. She'll be here in about an hour- that's why we came to wake you, and then we heard the noise you were making, We thought you were being attacked," Ori said.

"I was. In my dream." Kili admitted, pulling his blankets closer to him. "It's been 63 days, Ori. And it still hurts," he said softly.

"I suspect it will, for a while," Ori said, turning as Dori came back in with a plate of breakfast, and a glass of water. Dori gave him a meaningful look. "He's all right, Dori. Just had a nightmare. You know how it is," Ori said sadly. Kili coughed softly, and Dori put the plate on his bed stand before handing him a glass of water.

"I don't expect royal treatment," Kili said. "Not from my friends, and not from anyone really. I'm still Kili," he said, taking a gulp of water.

Dori shrugged. "This isn't royal treatment. This is friends taking care of a friend who is hurting and is obviously not handling it. The others don't want to coddle you, but I've been through Nori losing his father and Ori losing his and all of us losing our mother. So I get it. But you do need to wise up, lad. No more getting drunk out of your mind- focus on your mother. It will help. I'm going to go make sure Nori hasn't stolen anything," he said, leaving.

Ori shrugged. "That's why he protects me so much. It's not because I'm young. It's because losing our mother is still fresh for him and he needs something to focus on. That's why I let him do it."

Kili shrugged. "I don't need protection. I just need sleep," he said, setting his glass of water down and flopping back into bed.

"Oh no you don't. Your mother will be here soon, and you need to be dressed and ready to tell her," Ori said, grabbing Kili's shoulder, the one that was completely healed. His right shoulder still was stiff, and injured, and Oin said it would be that way for a while. His whole body ached still. And sometimes his wounds felt fresh and new. But nothing hurt worse then losing his brother.

"I don't even know how they died," Kili moaned. "You can tell her Ori. Tell her that I'm a weakling who can't leave his bed, tell her I'm an invalid. Tell her I am abusing my kingly powers and insist on staying in bed all day and make you all carry me around. Anything but this," he moaned.

Ori slapped him upside the head. "Listen here.. You're going to get up, and get dressed, and I'm going to find Balin, and he'll tell you how they died so you can tell your mother," Ori said, in one of his rare bouts of fiestyness. "Now get up, we, literally, don't have all day," he said.

The door slammed, and Kili sat up with a heavy sigh, going to change. This was not going to be fun, he was positive of that.

* * *

Kili scratched at his neck as he sat on his bed. Balin would be there any second, but every instinct Kili had was telling him to run. He could make it to Mirkwood before anyone caught up with him, he thought. He could hide out with Tauriel and the Mirkwood elves until everyone stopped looking and then he could make a break for The Shire and live with Bilbo and no one would be any wiser until long after Dain had taken the throne and there was no need for Kili to tell his mother that her firstborn and her brother were dead and that it had, at least in part, been Kili's fault.

He stood up. Run. He would run. He couldn't face them. He couldn't tell her. He couldn't be king. He would mess everything up and ruin things if he was king. He couldn't see his mother's face when he told her that he was the only family she had left, and he couldn't see Eivor's face when he told her that Fili had died. He couldn't face his friends and kin and tell them that he had allowed their king to die while he still drew breath.

He grabbed his pack, and began shoving his things into it. He looked up, at Fili and Thorin's never unpacked packs, resting on hooks on the wall. With a lunge, he grabbed them both, slinging them over his shoulders. He reached for the door, and then jumped back as it opened, and Balin came in, stopping when he ran smack into Kili.

"and where do you plan on going, laddie?" Balin asked, with a raise of his eyebrows.

"The Shire," Kili answered honestly. "I will live with Bilbo and find work if I must," Kili said, his chest puffing out slightly.

"I highly doubt Bilbo will allow you to stay," Balin said. "He hardly was willing to have us in his house for a night," he said, matter of fact. "and besides, this behavior is hardly fitting of a dwarf prince, much less one who is soon to be king," Balin added.

"and when you think that will be?"

"I do not know. Within the week, more likely than not, now that a large majority of our people will be arrive this week. Maybe two weeks before your official coronation. But you are the heir, and the rightful leader and it is time to take your place on the throne and stop pressing it onto Dain," Balin said. "This needs to stop, this shirking responsibilities and running away from problems."

"Balin, I'm scared," Kili whispered.

"To be scared is one thing- but to run away? That's another thing entirely. No one in the history of the world has ever done something remarkably noteworthy while they weren't scared. Courage and Fear come hand in hand, for fear is nothing more than an excuse to show true courage," Balin said, patting Kili's arm. "Go on, put their packs back. Your mother needs you," Balin said. "We won't tell her about this episode."

Kili put the packs back on their hooks, and sat down on his bed. "Balin, how did they die? Can you tell me the full story?"

"I will save the details for another day, because we do not have the amount of time that it would require, but if you walk with me, I will tell you the story on our way to the entrance," Balin said.

The two began walking, in silence at first. They came across the occasional worker, who stared at Balin with reverence and Kili with awe. Kili looked around. Soon enough, these halls would be bustling even more, with the women and children and the men who had stayed behind. This place would begin to feel like home, he guessed. Except for the glaring absence of Fili and Thorin that would always haunt him like the ghosts of all his past mistakes.

"They both died valiantly and nobly," Balin began, as if he wanted to assure Kili. "You saw how Thorin, but Gandalf thought he might have lived, except after Fili fell, Thorin dragged himself, and I do mean dragged, to protect the two of you, because he thought you both to be alive, just injured. Or at least hoped so. Or perhaps, he knew he would soon die, and wished to die with his family close by. He was stabbed again, and with a poisoned blade." Balin explained.

"and Fili?"

"Fili saw you fall because of your injuries, and rushed to save you from the warg that was about to finish you off. He killed it, but another group of wargs was closing in on you and Thorin. He fell defending the both of you when a goblin fired an arrow at him, into his neck. " Balin seemed like he was keeping something, but Kili didn't care to know. He would find out later, if it mattered.

"How do you know this, if no one else came to defend us?"

"We lost track of all three of you then, but eventually Gandalf found the three of you, Thorin protecting both of you, barely breathing. We brought the three of you in together, and kept you three together until they passed. Thorin lived for quite some time, although he was unable to move. Fili died not long after the battle, living only to tell us what had happened, and to be assured you would live. The moment he found out you would be okay, he drew his last breath." Balin said softly. "You woke up about a day after Thorin died."

"I wish that everyone had waited on the burial," Kili admitted. "It should have been me- to prepare them. I should have been able to say goodbye," Kili said softly.

"If we had known it would only be one day, we would have waited. But we didn't know," said Balin sadly. They stopped at the entrance. "They should be here soon. A few have already arrived."

Kili leaned against a wall. A part of him wondered if he would ever feel half as majestic as Thorin had looked. He still felt like a little kid, pretending to be something he was not. "How am I going to ever be a king? I don't even have a beard."

"Your mother and father were both 80 before a real beard showed up. You'll get one soon," Balin assured. "and you won't go grey as early, like some do," Balin patted his arm.. "I have faith in you. You'll be a good king. And don't forget, your mother is a Princess, she'll be able to help. And Dwalin and I will be more than willing to do so as well. And the others will give you advice," Balin promised.

Kili sighed. "Just don't let me ruin anything," he said softly. Balin laughed, but then broke off as a great shout echoed through the land, followed by a cheer.

Kili and Balin looked at each other and smiled softly and sadly as they turned to look out upon the land as the majority of their people returned home. People he knew. He easily spotted Gloin's son Gimli, with their his hair, walking with Dwalin's family. The younger dwarves seemed to be supporting some of the elderly. Oin had been preparing for the need for healers, and Bombur and Bofur had busilly been preparing food all morning for them. Hot baths would be available by the dozens, and chambers had been prepared for the elderly, and pregnant women to stay in, although the other chambers would have to be prepared once occupied.

One one woman, a bit younger than Thorin was, but just as regal looking, led them. Behind her were a party of young female dwarves, Gloin's wife, Greti, Bombur's wife, whose name Kili didn't remember, having only met her once, and Eivor, along with a couple others he knew, walked among them. No doubt the singular woman's traveling companions. She was only noticeable as female due to the only slightly more feminine beard, and her long dark hair, only graying at the roots. It would have not been noticeable at all to most, had Kili not known her for his whole life, he would have not known. The woman's dark black hair was in a long braid, slung over her shoulder, but he knew it's usual state was long and flowing, with intricate braiding patterns keeping it out of her face and the few jewels and strings of gold she had kept after all the long years away from Erebor weaved into it. She had always kept her beard short in respect for her father and grandfather, whose beards had been burned off in the dragon attack, and also to avoid mishaps with young, curious dwarves, who had been known to pull it, as she had often worked as a caretaker of children. She looked up at him and smiled softly.

She was his mother, scanning the entrance for her brother and sons, looking confused, shocked and hurt at only seeing Kili standing at the gates with Balin, their cloaks flowing in the breeze. Then, she shook it off, probably guessing that her brother and elder son were needed elsewhere and his heart panged a little, dreading having to tell her. She took a deep, noticeable breath, and another cry rang up as she stepped over the border of Dale, and entered Erebor's borders, and this time, Kili joined in as a sense of accomplishment and achievement settled over him briefly before the dread returned.

The last royal from Erebor before Smaug's attack, the much beloved princess, had returned home to The Lonely Mountain.

* * *

A/N: This is the shortest chapter so far, I think.

Fili having been shot with Kili's arrow in Kili's nightmare is important to the story, somewhat. The nightmare itself is generally important.

Kili really has a lot of issues, poo guy. I hope to delve more into the fact that he really doesn't like himself much in the next couple of chapters. I also hope to really delve into Dis' character and who she is. I hope to use more flashbacks involving Thorin, Fili, Kili and Dis.

In the next couple of chapters, I'm also going to really explore the little friendship between Ori and Kili, and eventually a friendship between Gimli and Kili.

So I have a question. Do you guys want to actually see Kili's coronation, or should it just be a mentioned thing? His coronation is definitely a major source of angst for him, but it's not the most important part of the story.

So basically , in your review/comment/reblog , go ahead and tell me three things: 1) Coronation, yay or nay. 2) What kind of things do you want to see Kili remembering, or Dis remembering about Fili and Thorin via flashback. I have a couple for Kili, but I'm open to suggestions. 3) What do you think so far? How am I doing? No one has really told me how they think I'm doing and I didn't get any feedback on the last chapter at all.


	4. Dis

Chapter 4: Dis

* * *

Kili found himself immediately crushed in one of his mother's bone crushing hugs. He winced slightly, his injuries were still very sensitive to pressure. Some of his ribs, only recently recovered from the battle, felt as if they may break. She ran her fingers through his hair, and smiled at him. "Where are your brother and uncle? Too busy with official duties, I presume?" Dis asked with a smile. His heart sank, and he felt bile rise up in his throat.

Kili swallowed heavily. "I'll take you to them later." He wasn't lying, a trip down to the graves would be in order. "But I would love to catch up with you first," Kili said, offering her a light smile. Dis nodded with a grin. "I should see the others through the gate. Balin will show you to our chambers, although I'm sure you'd find them on your own," he said with a grin. She had an amazing memory, never forgetting anything. It had been impossible to get away with anything while growing up, he remembered. And he had been in trouble often. "I asked Bofur to prepare a bath for you, and when I come down, I'll bring some of Bombur's meal with me," he told her. She looked as if she had not eaten in weeks. "and when the caravan with your things comes in, I'll have that all sent down immediately if we don't talk before then," he said. Quite frankly, if he knew his mom, before the end of the day, she would have the entire place whipped into shape. No one messed around with her, unless they wished to suffer greatly. And she would put her grief into something productive- and into loving everyone else around her. It was just how she worked, and he loved her for it.

Dis smiled and patted his arm. "There's a good lad. I'll just go freshen up a bit," she said, hugging him again.

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, and then watched as Balin offered her his arm and the two went off, talking about something to do with the state of the kitchens. He watched his mother and the closest thing to a grandfather he had ever known walk off, one not even knowing what she was missing. They disappeared around a corner, deep in conversation, just in time for the group of the women he had spotted to catch up to him.

They all crowded around him, asking about their various relatives and loved ones, and inquiring after him as well. He sent them off with a quick assurance that everyone was fine, although an announcement would be made at the feast tonight, and they trotted off, in search of their husbands and sons. He quickly grabbed Eivor, however, before the girl could get too far.

He pulled her aside as others passed. "You and I need to have a talk once I'm finished talking to my mom," he said. "There are things you need to know, and I'd like you hear them from me, but they are also some things she needs to know first."

"Alright?" Eivor's brows were knitted together. He sighed. "Where are Fili and Thorin?"

"I'll take you to him later on," Kili said. He was going to get sick of going down to the graves, he just knew it. But she couldn't know until his mother did. "You look exhausted. I'll have Ori show you to your rooms," he offered, waving down Ori, who had just walked past, obviously in search of any family that might have arrived. Ori hurried over, nodding. "Ori, take her to her rooms please. And on the way, tell her about our stay in Rivendell," he requested. The two turned to leave, but he pulled Ori close.

"She doesn't know yet. I'll have to tell her. She was dear to Fili and I don't want her to find out the same way everyone else will. I owe him that much." After he talked to his mother and Eivor, he would tell the other friends that had arrived, as he had asked Dwalin and Bofur to contact them all and send them to the meeting room in the west as they saw them. But he owed Fili the respect of telling Eivor separately, and she was far too temperamental to do anything other anyways. He wouldn't screw this up. Not this time. "But just, convince her to take a nap or something so she doesn't start thinking and figure it out. They all look about to ready to fall asleep where they stand anyways, it shouldn't be too hard." he asked. Ori nodded, and then turned and ran to catch up with Eivor, who was waiting just inside.

Kili took a deep breath, watching as the rest walked in. Several muttered about how their king should be greeting them, not the third in line for the throne, and he sighed. If only they knew that their king- the heir apparent anyways- was the one greeting them. That there was no third in line because there was not even an heir. He would have to fix that. Dain would take over the throne if something happened to him, and his son Thorin would then continue the line. But Balin and Dwalin were also directly of the line of Durin, as were Gloin and Oin. He would have to marry, and produce heirs, and in the next 20 years or so as well. He wasn't sure if Dain would be staying, or if he would return to the Iron Hills. He would have to, more than likely, name Dain's son Thorin as his heir until he produced his own, followed by Balin, then Dwalin, then Gloin, then Oin, then Gimli.

He hadn't really thought about heirs before, and no one had brought it up- but he knew it would be coming. Balin had requested him for a meeting in two days to talk about the coronation, and all of the official business, who would be given what positions and who his advisors would be. The heir conversation was bound to come up then. The advisors were easy- Balin, Dwalin, Gloin, Oin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, and Ori would be easily accepted and trusted. Nori would be harder to trust and gain the trust of the people, due to his criminal past, but he would have a place, he had been promised one. His mother would be involved. Dain, if he stayed, would be involved. Many of his friends would be trained, and given positions. He would be wary of anyone he didn't know well, because loyalty would be hard to earn from them.

He sighed.

Erebor was going to be in an uproar no matter what he did.

* * *

After the last dwarf, a young dwarf, although he could not tell if it was a male or female child, although the weather stained and tattered doll he or she carried was a sign of a female child, no doubt, passed through the gates, Kili ordered them shut. Orcs and Goblins were still approaching the mountain, small packs attempting to avenge Azog or The Great Goblin. They never got very far, not when they had one entrance in except for the small door, and a mountain they would have to penetrate before an attack. However, he had close to two or three hundred dwarves whose wellbeing he was in charge of, and he was not going to have any more deaths. Not with children and elderly dwarves around.

Dwalin had come along shortly after Ori and Eivor had left. He stood beside Kili stoically, until everyone else was out of earshot. "Dori is detaining any children or young dwarves without parents, to take to the chambers we have set aside for them," he said. Ori had, unsurprisingly, suggested that one of the larger groupings of chambers be turned into an orphanage. Another had been turned into a healing area, and any elderly dwarves without family would be welcomed to stay there. Kili made a mental note to ask his mother to see if any of the women she knew would take a job taking care of the orphans, since the men would be too busy to do so.

Kili nodded. "Good. I'll stop by to see them tomorrow. I talked to Bofur and he's going to make toys for all of them," he explained. Children need toys, and Bofur, who loved children, had easily agreed to make toys in his spare time. Dwalin nodded.

"Did you tell her?" Dwalin asked, gravely. "Your mother, I mean."

"No. I'm going to do so now, after I stop by the kitchen and get her something to eat," Kili said softly. "and then I have to tell Eivor, and then our friends. Do you think you could stop by to see my mother? I hate to leave her alone."

Dwalin nodded. "I won't leave her side until you return," he promised. Kili nodded. At least with Dwalin around, his mother would have someone familiar- a kinsman who had been around for much of her life, and had indeed, been much like a brother to her, with her. At least he knew with Dwalin that someone would always be around to protect his mother, even when he was detained.

Kili sighed. "I've got to go. I've got to go. I've just got to go," he shook his head and turned away from Dwalin. "I don't want to go," he moaned softly, burying his face in his hands.

Dwalin shoved him slightly. "Do you want someone else to tell her? You understand the pain of being told when you least expected it, as if you already knew. You should spare her from that pain."

Kili sighed and nodded. Dwalin was right. He couldn't let his mother feel that pain. "I know. I'm going," he said. Dwalin patted him on the back and Kili turned around and smiled. "Thank you, Dwalin. For last night and for everything," he said softly. Dwalin shrugged. Kili turned back and took a deep breath. He had to do this. He couldn't rely on Thorin or Fili to pick up his slack anymore. He wouldn't screw this up.

* * *

Kili pushed the door open a crack, scanning the sitting room for his mother. Seeing that she wasn't sitting in the sitting room, he pushed the door open all the way, and walked in, setting the tray he carried on a table as he walked past. He peered into the room meant for her, sighing when she wasn't there.

"Mother?" He called, hoping she wasn't in his room.

The door to his room opened, and Dis appeared, Thorin and Fili's packs clasped in her hands. He bit his lip, hard "What were these doing in there?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Shouldn't they have their packs?"

"Yeah. They don't really need them right now, though." Kili said. "Errrr," he bit his lip.

"Why are we sharing this room? Do they have their own rooms?" Dis titled her head to the side, confused. She was obviously denying what should have been jumping out at her by this point. There was no way she could have not figured out that her brother and son were dead. She was too smart to miss it. She had to be ducking under the bar that was about to smack her in the head to avoid it for as long as she could.

Kili sighed. "I need to talk to you about that," he said, sitting down on a couch. He patted the seat next to him, and she took it. "Mother, I need to be honest with you- and you're not going to like what I have to tell you. Because I didn't like it either," Kili said, biting his lip.

"Has your uncle gone mad with greed like our grandfather did? I'll put that fool right in his place again," Dis said, standing up. He grabbed her arm, pulling her back down. "I won't allow that disease to fester and I won't let him drag Fili down with him. You boys have given him enough of your lives." she announced.

"No. Well, he did. And we love him. He's not dragging us anywhere. Not since we were young to have to be forced to bathe and eat our vegetables and he was the only father we had. But he's- "Kili sighed. Really, he and Fili had never minded following their uncle. He had been their hero, and their king. They would- and did- live and die by the fact that he was their primary concern. "It's a long story, and I don't know parts of it. But, we had a lot of trouble on the journey. We were kidnapped by goblins, and then attacked by orcs- more than once. And their leader was Azog-"

"He died! Your uncle killed him," Dis protested.

"Yes, but only just recently. We were wrong." Kili explained. "We also got taken prisoner by giant spiders, and then by the Mirkwood elves. We escaped, but they caught up with us. The hobbit- he gave the men and Thranduil the Arkenstone to barter against uncle with, because they wanted some of the treasure, and because Bard probably did deserve some of it because it was him who killed Smaug. And because of the damage done to the towns. We did give them some later-" he added quickly when his mother shot him a disapproving look. "But the Goblins and Orcs caught up to us. And attacked us. There was a great battle, which we won. But there was a cost. Uncle and Fili- they were lost. They died valiantly," Kili choked out. He had never said it out loud, and saying it made it more real somehow.

His mother, meanwhile, had fallen sideways, her head in his lap. He tangled his fingers into his mothers hair, and tried to pull himself together, his heart breaking more with every sob that escaped from her. They stayed that way for a while, as Kili tried to pull himself together, and Dis simply cried. Eventually, they both fell silent, save for the occasional sob that his mother allowed to escape. "How did it happen?" she finally asked.

"I don't know most of what happened, because I got knocked out. Uncle was injured, and he lay on the battle field, and Fili and I went to his rescue, to protect him. I was injured, and knocked out, and then Fili fell defending both me and uncle. He took an arrow to the neck, and lived only long enough to find out if I was okay. Uncle died of his wounds when he dragged himself to us to protect us and was stabbed with a poisoned blade. They- they thought he may have lived otherwise," Kili choked off again. "They're dead and it is all my fault. I'm sorry. "

"It's not your fault," his mother assured him softly through tears. "These things happen. It hurts, but things happen. And it's no one's fault. It's not yours, anyways. It's the goblins and orcs' fault. They think of no one except themselves, and what they want, and what they want is to watch the world burn. They want nothing more than that. You know that, and I know that. You tried to defend your brother and uncle and that's what matters."

Her voice was soft as she assured him, but Kili knew his mother, and he knew she was dying inside. He wrapped his arms around her gently, glad to finally be able to hug her- to be able to touch someone who was his flesh and blood again. Balin, Dwalin, Gloin and Oin weren't the same. She buried her face in his shoulder. "I have to go tell some of the other people that Fili was close with- Balin is telling people that Uncle was close too. But Dwalin said he would be around if you need someone, and I talked to Oin when I stopped by the kitchens, and he said that Gloin was going to tell Greti and Gimli and then maybe come and check on you."

"Please don't go for a while," Dis pleaded softly.

"I don't plan to," Kili said. She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed.

"You boys really didn't owe your uncle anything," she added.

He smiled slightly. It was just like her to say that- and she always had said it. All of the times Thorin had brought them home from the smithy, one of them injured because Thorin hadn't even known they were there and someone had dropped something on the young boys. Or the times they would stow away in Thorin's things and be halfway across the mountains before he caught on. All of the times they had gotten in trouble or screwed something up and had been worried they would be a disappointment to him. The dwarves in their settlement had always seen Fili and Kili coming and remarked about the wild should-be-princes-under-the-mountain "Thorin can't control them," they had said, as the boys had passed with goblin armor on their ponies, bloodied and bruised, no more than their mid-twenties "They owe it to him to behave themselves," they had remarked as Fili had dragged a drunk Kili through the streets, on Kili's 30th birthday. "They're approaching 50, you'd think they'd learn," they would comment as the two brothers ran through the streets with wooden swords, play fighting and knocking over carts, as a long-suffering Thorin, or a barely-hiding-her-amusement Dis followed after them, making peace with anyone whose things were damaged.

"We knew that. But we- he was our hero. You know? I never really knew my father, I was 3 when he died. And Fili was only 8. He was kind of the closest thing to a father I ever knew, and only a little bit less for Fili. And even if father had lived- Uncle would have been our hero. Our King, and a legend. I spent most of my childhood watching him with awe, and dreaming of the day I saw him as king under the mountain. And then, when it became obvious that Fili would be the heir, I dreamt of seeing him as king under the mountain. I never thought that I would be the king."

"Will you be?" Dis asked, curiously. She obviously knew that he could very well step down and pass the throne onto Dain.

"I think I will. I have Balin to help me, and the others as well. And I've got you. I just- I really wish it was Uncle Thorin, or Fili."

She patted his arm.

"Sometimes I wish I had died in Fili and Thorin's place. Or that Fili and Thorin had just let me die because I'm not- oww!" he broke off as she slapped him across the back of the head with all of her might. "What was that for?"

"Don't you ever even think about saying that again. I've lost enough, and I will not think about the fact I could have lost you too," she said, wiggling a finger in his face. "Were you terrible injured?"

"Bruises, scratches, a wound in my shoulder and leg, and a really messed up head for a while. I was dizzy for days," he explained. Although he did think part of his dizziness had been the fact he hadn't been eating, and that Bofur had dropped an emotional weight on his head. But she didn't need to know that. "I still have a slight limp, but Oin says I'll be fine. And the stab in my shoulder is almost completely healed."

She cooed. "Let me see. I need to make sure my little duckling is safe," she said. He groaned at the nickname. She had always called Fili and Kili her little ducks-according to Thorin, his mother had called them her little ducklings, so they safely assumed that it had been picked up there.

"Motherrrrrrrrrr," Kili whined as she pulled his clothes away from his shoulder. "I'm fine! I'm alive, aren't I?" He jumped up, and then froze as she started crying again. "Oh, no. Mom," he hurried back over and wrapped an arm around her. "Look, you can see my scars," he pulled his shirt down, but she kept crying. She clung to him. "I know. I miss them too,"

"I wish I could have said goodbye," she said, almost whimpering. He winced. He knew exactly how she felt. He had been feeling like that for months now.

"They buried them before I woke up because they didn't know if I would wake for a while," he explained. "I know how you feel. I could take you down to their graves?"

"I'll have Dwalin take me. I don't know you worrying over me," she said softly. He knew what she really meant was that she didn't like crying in front of him. It would be a personal moment, and Dwalin would have an easier time at letting it be personal.

They sat in silence for a while, until she spoke up again, her voice sad. "I brought both of your baby blankets with me. In my bag. Can you retrieve my bag for me? It's on your bed," she said, her voice almost emotionless. He nodded and stood up, before going to the discarded food and bringing it to her.

"Try to eat something," he asked, kissing the top of her head. "I'll go get your bag," he said, walking backwards towards the door, as if he thought if he let her out of his sight, she would disappear. She was picking at a piece of bread when he finally turned around. He immediately spotted her bag, and grabbed it. It was quite heavy, and he wondered what she had carried in it. The rest of her things had been delivered in a caravan, and would arrive later, just like everyone else's things, but this was what was nearest to her- her prized possessions.

He sighed and carried it back to her. She was staring at the door in stony silence, so he pulled the blankets out. His was a dark red, knit, with his name stitched in a red-purple color. Fili's was the same, only blue and a blue purple. He pulled Fili's out and gently wrapped it around her, before placing his over her lap. She pulled it tighter around her as he sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her.

They said nothing for a long time, simply missing Thorin and Fili, both glad to have each other. It was enough to just know that someone else understood. It was a comfort- and a comfort that Kili wished he had never known. It killed him inside that his mother was this hurt, and that his brother was gone. That her brother was gone. It wasn't fair- and his mother should have never known that pain.

She said it wasn't his fault- but he felt so guilty. If he had been more careful- if he watched himself better- Thorin wouldn't have died. Fili would be alive. It was his fault that his brother had fallen, distracted about Kili falling. It hurt like a fresh wound. And he assumed it would never stop hurting, no matter what anyone said. It would always be his fault that his brother and uncle had died. Just like everything had always been Kili's fault; Losing the ponies, almost blowing Bilbo's plan with the trolls, Thorin being injured by Azog after Goblintown. Everything had always been because Kili had been a fool. And no small part of Kili hated himself for it.

* * *

A/N: This chapter has been my worst enemy. I just couldn't find the words- and it still isn't good enough. I had hoped to deal with Eivor and the feast in this chapter as well, but it didn't make it in. and I thought that the same announcement over and over again would get tedious.

I really hope to get the plot moving soon- things have been so slow recently and its boring.

I'm hoping to get to the coronation in the next chapter, or at least events leading up to it.

I do have a question though: Do you want to see Bilbo return to Erebor in any way? There is a poll on my page.

So anyways, you go review, and I'll go- sleep and then write chapter 5? yeah that sounds good.


	5. Healing

**Chapter 5: Healing**

* * *

Kili sighed, watching the royal advisors from the Iron Hills bicker about who would stay in Erebor and oversee the preparations until their people could join them. Kili wasn't sure he wanted the dwarves of the Iron Hills to be able to just come into Erebor, although they were his own blood and kin, for the most part. They had not aided them on their quest, and they had never wandered like his people had. Dain doubted Kili; that much was very apparent, and didn't seem to think that Kili would be capable of running Erebor. He underestimated Kili's determination, of course. But the fact remained that the person he would more than likely have to name his heir until he married and produced his own heirs doubted he could do that job.

"If it is of such import that Prince Kili is named King of Erebor, and thus king of the only dwarf kingdom in the world, then I must demand that he names more advisors than the normal one," Dain said. "Thorin spent more time shaping the departed Prince Fili, I would be sure of it. He has left me to run this kingdom while he has treated his responsibilities as a joke." Kili blinked. When had they started talking about this?

"The lad was grieving," Balin defended. "He still is. He lost a great deal in a very short time."

"I have been a burden on the kingdom for long enough," Kili added. "Now that I am not reeling- although it has only been two and a half months, I am ready to take my position. I am the next surviving heir. Thorin spent equal time teaching both of us, both together and separately. My mother," Kili gestured at her "also taught us everything she had to offer, as has Master Balin"

"Your uncle gave into the gold madness, just as it took Thror before him. And you seemed to be mad yourself these last few months. How do we know you will not invite problems back into the mountain?"

"I have no desire to hoard treasure, besides the 1/14th that is rightfully mine, which I do feel I am within my rights to keep. " Kili said, raising his voice when he saw Dain open his mouth to protest. "I have seen what happens when that sickness is allowed to grow," Kili said. "And I have been hurt by it. I do not wish to invite poison into this kingdom. Nor would my mother or companions allow me to invite it in. Too much has been lost. I will, however, appoint more than one advisor upon my coronation. I have already talked to these dwarves," Kili added, raising an eyebrow. He avoided eye contact with the other 10 dwarves from the Company, who were seated around the table, who had indeed, talked to, although nothing had been sealed officially yet.

"What is your plan for the treasure, then?" Dain asked, curiously.

"The dwarves who traveled with us were promised 1/14th of the treasure each. Mr. Baggins was also promised this much, although he forfeited much of his treasure. My uncle and brother were buried with some of their treasure. That leaves us with 3/14ths of the treasure, which is still a large amount. I will divide much of it between The Men who will be rebuilding Dale, and send enough to repay the elves for their aid during the battle. I will also send a small sum to the elves of Rivendell, as they were quite hospitable to us during the journey," Kili explained. Balin had already suggested this, which Kili had quickly agreed to. "The rest of the treasure will be used in the repairs for Erebor, and in crafting to restart our economy, as was my Uncle's desire. The hobbit asked that we use his share to help those without much get back on their feet, and we will do that with half of his portion."

"Will it be enough?" An elderly dwarf asked, sounding curious.

"Aye, it will, according to Master Gloin." Bofur spoke up. "The rest of the company will also use portions of their treasure in crafting as well, and we do hope to help those with very little," he said. Dain nodded, reminding Kili very sharply of how Thorin would regally nod at times. He swallowed heavily.

"Has the crown been found?" Dain inquired. The coronation had been postponed due to the lack of a crown.

"It has. It was in a secret vault in the Prince and his mother's chambers, the Princess found it quite by accident. We are currently repairing some damages done to it, replacing some jewels, repairing some dents, shining it," Balin said. "It should be ready in three days, if not before. "

"And the coronation will be then?" Kili inquired nervously.

Balin nodded. "Aye. We will send out word today that the coronation will take place in three days' time atop the mountain, We will invite the elves of Mirkwood, and the men of Laketown, as they are our primary allies and we must maintain close relationships with Thranduil and Bard."

"It will do the people good for some merriment," Dis said. She was still sad; it had only been a week since she had found out that her brother and son were dead. But his mother was strong, and Kili knew she wanted to be happy- to move on, as Thorin and Fili would have wanted them to do. "Too grave we have been of late, and although there is still darkness on my heart, I would not dwell on the past."

Kili smiled at her. He would be alright, getting through this hard time, so long as he had her.

"I think that's all we needed to discuss today. I will call a final council meeting next week, before Dain returns to the Iron Hills," Kili said.

Everyone agreed, and the meeting was called to an end. Kili waited until everyone else had left, and then let out a heavy sigh. "I am glad that is over."

"These meetings will not always be so tense and awkward," Gloin said with an encouraging smile as he left. "You did well, especially for one so inexperienced."

"Dain doesn't like me," Kili said pointedly.

"Nay, he just fears for the people," Dis said. "He will accept that you are not my grandfather or brother once you begin to rule," she said. "I have faith in you," she added with a slight smile. "This hard time will pass." She was no stranger to grief, Kili knew that well. His father had died when Kili was only a year old. Frerin and Thror had died long before Fili had even been born. Thrain had gone mad and disappeared. She was no stranger to this.

Kili sighed as Balin stepped out of the room, calling that he would wait for them. "I wish that they had been here. Fili was so much better with charming people. And Thorin commanded respect."

"I know duckling. But they would be proud of you for pulling yourself out of your grief and being strong," she said. She smiled softly and patted his arm "It's time to move on, or at least start to move on."

"It hurts to," he said, choking. "It doesn't feel right."

"It's not supposed to," Dis rested a hand on her son's shoulder, a sad and understanding smile on her face. "It's supposed to feel as if your world has been flipped upside, as if you are drowning under waves of grief. But you need to swim back to the shore, and in time, you will be able to go in the water again. It is like when you were 20, and you almost drowned in the lake by our settlement when those mean boys pushed you under. But you got out, and even though you were scared, you eventually took up swimming again. You will be afraid to love again, for a while, but eventually you will be able to love people as much as you loved your uncle and brother. And the holes in your heart where they should be will not be so big."

Kili nodded, wiping at tears that threatened to spill over. "I don't want to forget them."

"You won't. They will live on in your memory, and the memories of all those whose lives were touched by them," Dis said with a sad smile. "I miss them too, more than anything- but there is a peace in knowing that they are in peace now."

Kili nodded. "I know," he said. "I have to go. I promised Eivor that I would stop by for lunch."

Dis smiled. "Best not break your promise then. Go on, I have some mending to do," she said, pushing her son out the door. He gave her a look, knowing that in reality, she would go sit and cry over Fili and Thorin's things, no doubt. She didn't want to cry in front of him, but she did want to cry. Dis had always tended to avoid doing the mending until Kili, Thorin and Fili had looked like paupers, with threadbare clothes and not a single item undamaged. Eivor or Ori were the smart ones to go to for mending in Kili's experience. "Oh, hush, you," Dis flicked his ear and he starting, glaring at her slightly. "You might be a king to be, but you're still my little duckling. Now, go on, off with you," she commanded, shooing him away.

"Maybe you should be the one on the throne, mother!" Kili cried as he sprinted away from her. It was obvious that she would be a great benefit to him, as both the lady of what was now his house, and also politically. He pitied the fool that got on her bad side, although he was one of the few that would have to try very hard to be on her bad side. In fact, if she had pressed the matter, no one would have denied her the throne, but she was content being a mother, advisor and craftswoman, and a good one at that, and although he would have been happier in a position of less power, he would not deny her that which made her happy, not when she had lost so much more than he had, even. He couldn't even bring himself to consider asking her seriously to take his throne.

* * *

Kili picked at his food. Eivor was a good cook, not as good as Bombur or his mother, but much better than Fili or himself were. But he just wasn't hungry. He hadn't been in a long while. She crossed her arms, her ladle resting menacingly on her arm. "What, you don't like it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow dangerously. "You're too thin if you ask me, and your mother agrees with me."

"Plotting against me, are you? Sounds just like you two," Kili said, raising an eyebrow. "You know, in a few days, this could be considered treason."

"Oh, yes, because you would sentence your mother and I to death because we tried to feed you," Eivor snapped back. "It will do us no good if our king withers away."

"I just haven't been hungry for these last almost 3 months since Fili and Uncle Thorin died," he said.

"I know," Eivor's gaze softened, and she sat down next to him. "I don't want to eat much either. But you need your strength. That crown looked heavy. The Princess nearly dropped it when she picked it up. "

"Eivor, you know she wants you to call her Dis," Kili reminded her. Dis actually wished Eivor would just call her mother; Eivor had always been like a third "duckling" to his mother. But Eivor had turned beet red and refused, saying it wasn't proper. "You don't have to be prim and proper. You're a lady of Erebor now." She would be the consort of the king or the beloved of the crown prince, he thought, had Fili not died. "Besides, my mother had always been like your mother. That doesn't change because Fili is dead."

"I miss him," she said, playing the bead on her beard. He watched, knowing fully well now what that new bead was, thinking back to when he had told her that Fili had died.

_"Eivor," Kili's face had been grey, wishing he didn't have to tell her, as she babbled on about how great it would be to see Fili after so long. "Eivor, Fili succumbed- he succumbed to his wounds. I didn't even get to say goodbye."_

_"That's not a funny joke, Kili," Eivor had chided, glaring at him. "Fili and I are engaged."_

_"No, I mean it- you and Fili did what?" Kili had turned white, his eyes falling on the bead on her beard. It had been new, a parting gift from Fili; he had said when Kili had asked. But now, noticing it better, it was far too expensive to have been simply a parting gift. "He- asked you before we left? He told me he was going to ask once you came to Erebor."_

_"Two weeks before you left, someone asked Galin for my hand. Galin denied the man, saying that I was courting one of the King's nephews, but Fili over heard that the man planned to ask again once Fili had been gone for a few months. He asked Galin, and Galin approved of the engagement, but only if it was kept secret until the man asked again. Fili agreed, and asked me about 2 days before you left. I accepted, of course. Now, stop joking around and take me to my fiancé," she then demanded._

_"Eivor," Kili had begun, trying to hold back his own tears. "Eivor, he died. He really died. I'm- Thorin died too."_

_"No," Eivor shook her head. "No, you're lying. You're just playing a cruel joke."_

_"Eivor, I am not cruel," Kili said gently. "Not to you," he tenderly grabbed her hand. "I would not joke about Fili or my Uncle's deaths," he said. "You know that."_

_"No. No," Eivor fell against his chest, sobbing. "Are you sure this is true," she pleaded._

_"I am. I saw their graves- they buried them before I awoke from my injuries."_

_"Oh, no. That's awful," Eivor sniffled. She had pressed her head tight against his chest, and he had held onto her._

_"We'll get through this together," Kili said softly, holding onto her tightly. She sniffled, still holding onto him. _

_Eventually, her grief had subsided, and she had pushed him away. But there had been a sort of understanding between him and Eivor- that she was a part of the family now, even if Fili wasn't around anymore. But Kili's head swam every time he thought of what Fili hadn't told him. _

"Kili, eat," Eivor scolded suddenly, whacking him in the head with his ladle, and breaking him from his reverie. He jumped, his hand flying to his head.

"Ow!" he blinked.

"You've seen battle, that was nothing," Eivor pointed out, moving away from him towards the stove to refill her own bowl.

"Even Dwalin fears a woman with a ladle," Kili pointed out, taking a bite of the soup. It was warm still, with a spicy kick to it. She shrugged at his response, and came over to sit down again.

"Fair enough. Did I hurt you?"

"Just a bit," Kili admitted. "I'll be fine, though," he reassured. "This is good," he added, pointing at her soup. "I'm sorry I'm not very hungry."

"I understand," she said with a wavering smile. "I hope you'll at least take some of the soup with you, though. "

"Oh, I will," he said with a smile.

"And I did some baking. I made a pie for you and your mother."

Kili smiled. "Thank you. You didn't have to," he said softly.

"I needed the distraction," she admitted.

"I understand. I've taken up whittling," he said. The focus on something that wasn't Fili and Thorin had been a needed distraction, so he understood her need for one. She smiled at him sadly, and reached out, grabbing his hand.

"I can't even begin to fathom your grief," Eivor said softly. "It must be tenfold what mine is," she said. "I hope you don't think for a minute that I think our grief is equal.". The thing about Eivor was that she rarely thought of herself. She was selfless to a fault. He both loved and hated it about her, fearing that she would be taken advantage of one day. He and Fili had always kept an eye out.

"You grieve for the dwarf who was to be your husband," Kili pointed out. "Our grief for him is equal, but different. He was my other half, just as he would have been yours. "

"Nay. You've lost- you've lost almost your entire family, save for your mother. I never knew that pain- I was relieved when my father died.- It must be so hard," she said, looking at him with a kind of pity.

"It gets easier every week. It still feels as if my heart has been ripped out and stomped on, but I don't feel as lost," he admitted. She smiled. "But I do not think your grief is easy."

"It is not- which is why I cannot even understand yours. But you are strong, and you have your friends. They would be proud of you," she said.

But he wondered- would they be? He had been childish, immature, and selfish, in the weeks after their deaths. He had become so apathetic that he wouldn't have cared if Thranduil had taken the throne of Erebor for a while. He had just stopped living, and he knew they would have been so disappointed in him. But he would make them proud- he would honor them. He had to, or he would be ashamed of himself. He would make himself their strongest legacy.

* * *

Bilbo Baggins was at his wit's end. Not because the Sackville-Bagginses were hanging off his doorbell at all hours of the day, yelling at him for returning and taking his home back. Not because his fellow hobbits were inclined to stop him on the road and ask him for a story, or stare at him wide eyed. Not because he was treated as an oddity, a novelty- a hobbit who liked to adventure. Not because his plumbing was still all but destroyed after what the dwarfs had done to it.

Nay, his problem was, in fact, the two dwarfs who were currently occupying his guest bedrooms. Somehow, and he still wasn't sure how, he had become the guardian of one very stubborn and bothersome Thorin Oakensheild, and one very upset, very injured, very accident prone, equally stubborn and bothersome, one-legged Fili.

Perhaps he had felt bad for them. Certainly he pitied Fili. Perhaps he had been proud of Thorin for doing the right thing. Perhaps he wanted them to have a home. Perhaps, and this was most likely, madness had over taken him. Anyway, it was all the will of a Wizard, no matter what had prompted Bilbo's decision. He had not really even had a choice to begin with, he supposed.

"BILBO BAGGINS, YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

Bilbo sighed, massaging his temples. Lobelia had camped herself out on his porch all day now, carrying on about money and wills and dwarfs not belonging in the Shire. The woman was scarier than a troll, and more bothersome than an entire city of dwarfs camping out in his dining room. He would gladly take a week of dwarf parties in Bag End if it meant she was no longer on his front porch, he decided as Thorin stomped back into the room.

Thorin had just gotten Fili to take an afternoon nap- the poor lad was still using quite a lot of energy getting used to his one leg. A mountain just hadn't been safe for the young dwarf, and he would have been a burden on the restorations. Besides, it had looked as if he wouldn't make it for a while. Lord Elrond had been hard pressed in saving him- and the eagles had been life savers, getting the four travelers to Rivendell in a much shorter time than it would have taken to get their on foot. Fili would have definitely died of that arrow wound had Gandalf not called for them. Still, it was a major change for the young dwarf, getting used to having no leg below the knee. They had been lucky to save as much of his left leg as they did, Elrond said.

After Fili had been stable, and awake, they had traveled with a caravan of elves heading towards The Grey Havens. They had been home for 3 weeks now, and Bilbo still wasn't settled- it was as if a part of him wanted to pack up Bag End and head back to Erebor. He knew that Thorin missed Erebor, he often found Thorin pouring over the map longingly. And Fili, he knew, would likely return one day, and give his poor brother a heart attack.

It had been too soon to move Fili anyways. He was often sick to his stomach, or running a fever still. And he often had phantom pains. Bilbo often heard him at night, crying out for Kili and his mother. Thorin now slept on a cot in his nephew's room most nights, and when Bilbo insisted on taking a turn, he would wake up to Thorin asleep on the floor or across the foot of Fili's bed.

"Do you think what I did was wise?" Thorin asked, looking up from his afternoon tea.

"What do you mean?" Bilbo asked, sitting down across from him. Lobelia was still banging on the door, and Bilbo resolved to have a bounder see her off should she persist after tea.

"Leaving Erebor to Kili's rule," Thorin said gruffly.

"I do not know if it was wise- but it was the right thing. You were already going mad with greed," Bilbo pointed out. "You thought over it long and hard over those two days- and faking your death was the only way to ensure Kili would learn from your mistakes. He will forgive you one day," Bilbo assured him.

"Was I right to take Fili with me?"

"He would have died if you didn't," Bilbo reminded him. "I think you made the best out of a difficult situation."

"It pains me to see my sister-son in such pain," Thorin said sadly. "I wish it had not happened."

"He will adapt. He is very young, and very strong," Bilbo assured him. "He will become strong again."

"He will never be a warrior again," Thorin's voice was sullen, and he looked pained.

"Sometimes, it's those who are unable to be warriors who save the world," Bilbo said softly. "Look at me and how much I did. Look at Bifur and his injuries. Fili will adjust- and be better for it. Gandalf said that the elves will have figured out how to make him a false leg that will help him soon. If the orcs did it for Azog, then Fili's will be beautiful and well made," he added.

"I suppose that is a comfort. I just wish there was a way to see my sister and Kili again," Thorin admitted.

"You will one day. I doubt that Balin will be able to keep it a secret forever and you will return to Erebor, having done what was best for the people. You were a good king, in your few short days under the mountain, and you put the people first in the end-one day, they will tell stories about Wise Thorin Oakensheild, who gave up his birthright for the betterment of his people and his nephew Fili, who followed his lead."

"I can only hope you're right."

"I quite like to think I am," Bilbo said. "Lilac Proudfoot, just down the way, finished a set of proper hobbit clothes for you today, and she's almost done with a set of proper clothes for Fili. He's shorter, so he should have less trouble blending in. At least with your new outfit, you will settle in a little bit. People should stop squeaking in fear whenever they see you coming back from the healers, by any standard." Thorin, who had also been quite injured and only added to injury during the journey when the pony he had been riding had spooked and thrown him, visited the healers once a week to make sure his lacerations and injuries would not cause him similar problems to Fili's.

"I don't suppose you will let me get out of this," Thorin inquired, looking defeated.

"Not a chance. You will be a proper dwarf of The Shire, or you can return to Rivendell or Mirkwood," Bilbo said, matter of fact.

Thorin shuddered. "You hobbits are a strange folk," he muttered. "Where do I find these clothes?"

"On the bed in your room," Bilbo said. "Would you like more tea? or perhaps some food."

"No, I am content with my tea and this biscuit," Thorin said, holding up the small item. Bilbo nodded, mentally going over his pantry stocks with plans for supper and dinner. He noted that the tea cup looked quite small in Thorin's hand, and Bilbo made a mental note to have a larger tea set ordered from Bree. They would settle in, and become a strange, but happy, little family. Bilbo wouldn't have it anyway else. In fact, he already thought of the two as family- strange, hairy, slightly smelly family, but family all the same.

Lobelia never did stop banging on the door.

* * *

A/N: GASP. THEY'RE ALIVE. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

I'm sorry this has taken so long. I've been sick on and off for the past….well 19 years really. I'm actually really, really sick right now. And my laptop deleted the original version of the chapter and I was too angry with myself to rewrite it for a while.

BUT HERE IT IS FOR YOU.

This is by a far the longest chapter thus far. It's also a bit of a wham chapter, isn't it? You learn two major secrets about Fili in this one. I find Bilbo quite fun to write. I didn't want to stop. :p

Now, go review. It makes me want to update faster when I get lots and lots of reviews.


	6. Coronation

**Chapter 6: Coronation**

* * *

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing at all. Except Eivor.

* * *

"He'd better be appreciative of the fact that we love him enough to do this for him," Eivor complained, hissing in pain as her fingers scrapped against the sharp edge of the grater for the 15th time that hour. Dis, from her position across the counter, sucked on her own finger, which she had cut with a knife. "His Royal Pain-in-the-Posterior-ness does know how hard a carrot cake for an entire city is to make, right?" she clarified, picking up a new carrot.

"Ori mentioned it when Kili asked," Dis said. "He just pouted until we relented."

"He's 77 and he's still effectively using the puppy dog eyes," Eivor rolled her eyes. "Fili was never did stop either."

"Neither did their father. I suspect Kili will negotiate using that technique, if we're being honest," Dis said, shaking her head at the thought.

"Or get laughed out of the council room," Eivor snorted, hissing in pain once more.

"Most likely both."

"Definitely both," Eivor decided. "How much carrot do you think we'll need?" she asked, eyeing the large mound that she had already grated. Her hands were orange, and stung from all the scratches. She had been at this for nearly three hours now, Bombur having helped her at first until he had been distracted by a commotion in the main hall. It was his first official day as the Royal Chef under King Kili, although Kili himself would not be crowned King until later that night. Following his coronation would be a festival, culminating in a ball in 7 days where he would make his first official state appearance.

The staff had been in a fit of madness for three days now, preparing everything that would be needed- food for the entire city, plus the men of Laketown and the elves of Mirkwood. Eivor was fairly sure if she never saw another jar to preserve fruit again, it would be too soon. The elves, who did eat meat, but only in small amounts, posed a unique problem in that there were not a lot of vegetables growing in Erebor yet. The elves had been sending whatever excess they had, but things were tight. The men of Laketown, too, had been sending excess of meat and produce. But it still was not enough. Not for a proper coronation festival, anyways.

The kitchen doors banged open as Kili sailed through them, with Ori and Gimli on his heels. Nori was undoubtedly sneaking around somewhere close by, and Dwalin and Balin were probably hanging around as well. The entire company was rarely separated these days, except by official duties. The fire of battle had forged strong bonds between them, bonds that would not easily be broken.

Kili was already partially dressed in a mithril coat, and dark black trousers and his blue over coat. A new one had been made, but Kili preferred his old, travel worn, comfortable coat. His hair was half done, although, she thought it could just be the look he was going for. He was barefoot- she winced when she noticed that detail- but Ori was carrying the new pair of boots that had been made for the coronation over his arm. All three of them were babbling away, Kili and Gimli arguing about something and Ori trying to make peace between them.

Dis looked up from her chopping- she was chopping the nuts for the carrot cake- and smiled at the sight of her son, distant cousin, and their friend. "Kili, you should be closer to being ready by now," she scolded. "You will have time for shenanigans later," she added, waving her knife at them gently.

"I'm on my way to my rooms to finish," Kili said.. "Balin had to give me the mithril shirt," he explained. "But he suggested I eat something now because he thought that I might not be able to eat much tonight, since everyone will be crowding me and wanting to talk."

Bombur, looking up from the food he was preparing, reached up onto a shelf. "I thought you would come looking for food. I made you a simple sandwich," he said, putting the plate down and sliding it down the counter towards where they stood. "and there is a pot on the stove with water for tea," he said. "If you want a calming blend to soothe your nerves, I set the basket down."

"Bless you, Bombur, you are a **_hero_****,**" Kili said appreciatively, reaching for the sandwich. "I don't k now what I'd do without all of you," he added.

"Probably waste away into nothing," Bombur guessed.

"Or die from drinking too much," Dis' voice still sounded quite perturbed at the fact that her son had almost drunken himself into a grave next to his uncle and brother. "Speaking of which, we'll be monitoring how much you drink tonight to ensure you don't make yourself into a fool and embarrass yourself." Kili rolled his eyes at that, but ignored the comment, taking a bite of the sandwich.

"It's weird, you know," he said around the food in his mouth.

"What is?" Gimli asked, watching as Ori picked up the other grater and starting working at the carrots.

"These are my last few hours as plain, boring, Kili, the archer and nephew of the late King Thorin," Kili said after he swallowed. "I'm going to be King Kili. It sounds silly, when you think about it.

"Aye but that's because we know you," Gimli informed him. "and we've seen you at your most unmajestic."

Several people around the room snorted at various memories of Kili making a fool of himself. He certainly had done a good job of making himself look quite the opposite of the majestic king he would have to at least try to be in his life. Kili looked around, eyes wide. "What?" he grumbled.

"Nothing," Eivor grabbed his hand, pulling him away from everyone else. He quickly grabbed his sandwich, stumbling after her. "Is that a new bead?" she asked, pointing at the braid on the side of his head.

Kili nodded. "A gift from my mother," he said. "She made it for Uncle Thorin, but since he's dead, she gave it to me."

"It's beautiful," Eivor said with a smile. "Are you nervous?"

"I threw up earlier, my stomach is so quesy," Kili admitted, looking down. "It's really weird, you know? This should be Uncle Thorin's day, or Fili's day. And now it's mine- and I never thought it would be something I would have. Not when Fili told me he was going to ask for your hand."

Eivor sighed. "I understand. But you- you will be their legacy, their living memory. Because you will be a great King, and make them proud," she sighed and reached out, grabbing his hand. "Fili was already proud of you, and I know Thorin was too. Fili was so, so very proud of you. I don't think there was anything you could have done that would have disappointed him." She looked up at him. "and there was no one on this earth that he loved more than you, either," she added.

She had always been aware of it- that Fili would have always loved her differently, but that even if they had married, he would have never loved her quite as much as he had loved his younger brother. And it had never bothered her. There was no reason for it to have bothered her. Fili had never been her Fili, he had always been Kili's big Fili. And it had been heartwarming, the loyalty and affection the two brothers had for each other, and their uncle.

Kili looked down softly, a sad smile on his face. He said nothing, but he wrapped his arms around Eivor, hugging her. She returned the gesture, before smiling up at him. "Don't let this be a sad day for you. They wouldn't want it to be. It's okay to be happy," she said. "I don't think it will always hurt this bad,"

Kili sighed. "I know. It's just a difficult day," he said. "It's easy to feel inadequate when they were so wonderful."

Dis, who was walking past with a bowl to mix the cake, stopped, handing the bowl to Eivor, (who immediately took it over to the table to give mother and son some space.) and wrapped her arms around her son and hugged him close. "You are perfectly adequate, my beautiful son. You are more than adequate, you are extraordinary.. Just because you are different from your uncle and brother does not make you less than perfect. You are my perfect, wonderful, beautiful, lovely baby boy."

"Mother," he groaned. "I'm going to be a King soon. I'm not a baby."

"You could become the King of all of Middle Earth and all the realms and you would still be my baby. Fili is still my baby, even though he's gone," Dis said, leaning up and kissing his cheek. "Don't think for a minute that you are too big and grown up to be my baby."

"I wouldn't. You'd put me in my place as soon as I did," Kili said, with a smile. He took the last bite of his sandwich and tossed the plate at Bombur, who caught it deftly. Dis smiled and rolled her eyes at him. "I should probably go get ready soon."

"Don't forget that before your coronation, you and I will go and think for an hour in the council room," she said. This was a tradition, one that Kili was both looking forward to and dreading. The incumbent King and his family-in this case, Kili and Dis, were highly encouraged to maintain an hour of silence before the coronation, sitting alone with no disturbances and thinking on the importance of the tasks that the new king must accomplish.

Kili, of course, had been dwelling on these things for several days. But an hour to collect his thoughts would be much appreciated. And an hour with his mother, and no distractions, would also be quite welcome. He just wasn't sure he would be able to refrain from dwelling on the fact that it should be Fili or Thorin's coronation.

"I haven't forgotten," he final said. "I need to go put on the rest of my clothes. People gave me funny looks."

"That's because their soon-to-be-king is running around half naked," Dis told him with a smile. She went up on tiptoes and kissed the top of his head. "Go get dressed, my silly boy," she commanded, pushing him towards the door. Gimli followed Kili out, but Ori stayed behind, deep in a conversation with Eivor about a gift for Kili as they grated the carrots together. Dis smiled to herself, and went back to mixing the batter for the first layer. She really did love her family, both her sons and brother (she didn't think she would ever not love Thorin and Fili- even if they had been taken too soon.) and this crazy, surrogate family that she had adopted.

* * *

Bilbo sighed as Fili cried out in his sleep. He leaned against the door, exhausted. Fili's nightmares had grown worse, and the phantom pain was frequent for the poor lad. Thorin had now moved full time into Fili's bedroom, the mattress from his own room on the floor by Fili's bed.

Fili had fallen today as Bilbo had helped him around the garden, trying to strengthen Fili's other leg, and keep the left side of his body balanced. Elrond had told them to keep Fili as active as they could, and had taught them several stretches and exercises that Fili was to do twice a day to keep his body from overcompensating or becoming lopsided. He was lucky to have kept as much leg as he had, Elrond said- several inches below his knee. He'd toppled right down the hill, landing in a trembling heap at Thorin's feet. Thorin and Bilbo had rushed him inside, checking him over, and he had been simply embarrassed, bruised and a little shaken, thanks to his rock hard head. But the dwarf was frustrated.

Bilbo felt terrible for the young dwarf. Fili's life had been changed forever. It was no longer safe for him to live in a mountain, or mine, or do anything that would require him to be on his feet. Fili seemed to be taking it in stride, until days like today happened, in which case, he would lash out at everyone. He had the right to be angry, and Thorin and Bilbo didn't begrudge him that, but sometimes, he didn't seem to think they were doing anything to help him recover. He seemed to think recovery meant he would go back to living under the mountain,. He didn't seem to understand that maybe in a few years, the mountain would be safe enough for him to go back and work as Kili's advisor, but he needed to focus on crawling before he ran first.

It was fairly obvious that Fili took after Thorin. Everything Thorin said about Dis, and that the others had said about her, implied that while she was stubborn- Bilbo had never known a dwarf who wasn't, e even little Ori had been stubborn as an old mule- she wasn't senseless. Fili had a stubborn streak that reminded Bilbo distinctly of Thorin. Neither knew how to quit while they were ahead, or how to do what was best for them. Bilbo had had nearly enough of the stubborn senselessness of dwarfs when Thorin had denied any healing after being thrown from the pony. He was currently about ready to simply beat the next dwarf who stubbornly refused to something that was for their own good over the head with Sting before he knew what he had done.

"Bilbo," Thorin glanced at the door from where he sat, gripping his nephew's hand. Fili had awoken, and was clinging to his uncle's hand with an iron grip. "Could you possibly make us some of that calming tea you make?" he gave Bilbo a look. Bilbo nodded, and rushed out of the room towards the kitchen.

Thorin stroked his nephew's forehead. "You're all right, Fili. I've got you. You're safe," he kept his voice soft, trying to stay soothing. When the boys had been little, and they would have nightmares he used to hold them to his chest, and he would sing to them and let the deep rumble of his voice relax them into sleep. He wished he could gather his nephew into his arms and sing away all his problems and comfort him. Fili seemed so small, curled in on himself. Thorin thought back to the little boy who used to follow him everywhere and tell everyone that his "Unca Sorin" was his hero, The little boy with the kind blue-grey eyes and the dark haired shadow that was always a few steps behind him.

Thorin hadn't thought about Kili in a while, and he felt a pang of sadness for his younger nephew. It had been cruel, in a way, to separate his nephews. Kili had always been so devoted to both himself and Fili- loyalty was definitely one of Kili's strong points, But there was so much guilt that Kili would have had to face- even more than he know the boy had now.

It had been one of Kili's arrows that had done this to Fili. He had kept it from Fili- but Oin had been horrified as he had pulled out the distinctive arrow from Fili's leg. Kili, ever a perfectionist about his archery, had made plenty of arrows, distinctive for having a bright red band around the tip, and barbed, dangerously so. And one of Kili's arrows had somehow ended up in the hands of an orc or goblin that had, in some sick twist of fate, shot Fili with it. The wound had grown infected because of the barb, and Fili had lost his leg.

Fili had never been told this fact- not even when they had thought his leg would be fine. It had grown more serious, and so they had faked Fili's death along with Thorin's and taken him to Rivendell. It had been a wise decision, Elrond said, for Fili would not be well enough to be King for many years, even if he would soon be well enough to hopefully return to Erebor. They couldn't bear to tell Fili that it was his brother's arrow that had done this to him. And Balin wouldn't have told Kili. The young brothers would never know, and Thorin had been pleased by that.

Bilbo came back with the tea tray. He set it down on the nightstand, and placed a hand on Thorin's back. "You should wake him up, and save him from his nightmare," he suggested, watching the golden haired dwarf thrash. "I know you wish to allow him as much sleep as he can get, but he is not going to be rested if he keeps on like this."

Thorin nodded, and gently knelt down next to his nephew's head, prodding him awake. Fili's eyes snapped open, sweat dripping down his brow and shaking slightly. Thorin took his seat again, pulling it closer to the boy's head, and wiping the sweat off his nephew's brow. "Bilbo made you some calming tea," he said.

Fili stayed still for a moment, and then Bilbo realized with a start that the young dwarf was silently crying. Thorin grabbed his nephew's hand tighter. "Fili, you're fine. You're safe. I've got you," the older dwarf said softly.

Fili let out a heavy sob. "I'm just so frustrated," he choked out. "I can't sleep at night, I can't walk, I can't take care of myself," he cried out. "I've lost everything," he sniffled, sitting up. Bilbo frowned. He had never seen the dwarf this upset about anything. Thorin opened his mouth to say something, but Fili cut him off. "No, you're going to listen," he cried. "I am nothing.**_ Nothing._** I've lost my leg, I've lost my family, I've lost the girl I was going to marry. I've lost my future. I can't even get a job because I can't be up and around. I'm going insane, confined here, and there's nothing I can do about it. And until Gandalf shows up with my fake leg, I'm stuck. You don't understand, no one does."

"Fili-" Thorin moved from the chair to his nephew's bed, frowning.

"It's all useless," he cried out. "I have no worth anymore. I'm worthless"

"Fili," Thorin looked brokenhearted as his nephew's tears. It was clear Thorin had never seen the boy this upset either, or at least not for a while. Bilbo quietly moved to the corner, to give the two a sense of privacy, but not wanting to leave in case Thorin needed to send Bilbo for something. "Fili, you listen to me. You are worth more to me than all the gold in Erebor. You do have worth, and you will never, ever be worthless. Not to me, and not to Bilbo, and not to your brother."

Fili broke down into sobs at that and gently shoved himself into his uncle's chest. "I miss my brother**_ so _**much, Uncle Thorin. I miss him more than anything- Eivor even. I just want to see his stupid face smile at me again. I miss my brother."

Thorin made a broken noise. "I know Fili. I miss your brother too. I understand. I understand so well," he said, sounding lost. "I wish I could fix this for you.. It pains me to see you so hurt."

Fili sniffled. "Maybe it will hurt less in time. Maybe I'll adjust."

"I know you will," Thorin said.

It occurred to Bilbo that the royal family of Erebor had a strong bond, stronger than anything he had seen. The two youngest were like two halves of a whole in many ways. It had been a cruel fate for the two to be separated, he decided. And he certainly hoped that one day, there would a reunion. And that Kili wouldn't die of shock or kill Fili and Thorin for faking their own deaths.

* * *

Thorin sighed. "I got a letter from Balin today," he said. Fili looked up from his tea, and Bilbo looked up from the book. Fili had finally calmed down enough to drink his tea, although Bilbo had added some hot water to it to make it hotter. "Via a Raven," he added, for clarification.

"What did it say?" Bilbo asked, tilting his head.

"Today is Kili's coronation," Thorin said softly, as if he didn't want to say it out loud. "By the end of the day, Kili will be King, officially."

"My brother, the King," Fili said with a wistful smile. "How I wish I could be there to see his coronation."

Thorin nodded in agreement. "I wish I could see it as well. Although I guess I was never going to see either of you crowned."

Fili smiled softly. "He'll be a good king. He's sweet, and kind, and loyal. He'll lead our people well, especially with Balin to advise him and Mama to keep him line and Dwalin and Gloin to threaten him if they need to," Fili said softly.. "I think he's more cut out for the job than I was."

"I'm sorry we took you from your birthright," Thorin said softly.

"I think that it was for the best. Kili has an innocence to him that will serve the people well, and he's just as good of a follower as he is a leader. He always saw things so much more objectively than I did. And maybe one day, I'll go back and serve as his advisor."

"That is a job you could do," Thorin said, resting a hand on his nephew's shoulder. He certainly hoped that Fili would be able to go back.

Fili yawned. "I wish I could sleep without nightmares."

Bilbo sat up. "I'll go down to the healers tomorrow, see if they have an herb that will help you sleep at night," he soffered, and then sat up even straighter, a stunned look on his face. "But, I was talking to one of my aunts, who has a son who has dreadful nightmares when he gets overly excited, and she suggested you keep a journal- she says it helps him. I took to the liberty of having a book you might use as a journal made," Bilbo said, standing up and hurrying off into the study. Fili and Thorin watched as the hobbit came back, carrying a large, blue leather book.

"When did you do this?" Fili asked as Bilbo handed him the book.

"This morning when Thorin was checking you over after your tumble," Bilbo explained. " I thought it would help."

"It just might," Thorin said. "Writing down everything you are feeling may be good for you, Fili."

"I'll try," Fili said, staring at it. He opened it up, and then smiled softly, his fingers touching it. "You had those pictures of Kili and my mother that Ori sent me put in the book," he said with a smile. "I had forgotten that Ori sent those to us," he said, sounding moved. His fingers ran over Kili's face, a smile on his face.

"Balin said that he's having a copy of the official portrait of Kili painted and sent to us if he can wrangle it without your mother and Kili or anyone who doesn't know we're alive noticing. He said he might tell them that it's for Bilbo if they ask." Thorin remembered suddenly. "Which isn't exactly a lie."

Fili smiled. "King Kili. It's a weird thought, you know. Him as a king. I remember when he couldn't walk."

Thorin laughed. "That it is. That it is."

* * *

It was over.

Prince Kili of Not-Erebor was no more. In his place was King Kili of Erebor.

As soon as Balin had lowered the crown onto Kili's head, a hush had gone over the crowd. Kili himself had reminded silent, his head bowed, for several minutes as he took it in. and he had come to the conclusion that he simply couldn't take it in. The company and his mother, standing all along the dais, had also bowed their heads. It had been a heavy moment.

And then, Dwalin's loud voice had rung through the hall. "I present, His Royal Highness King Kili of Erebor," he had called. And Kili had turned around, and stepped forward. And everyone had bowed to him.

A lump had risen in his throat, and tears had threatened to spill over his eyes as he had surveyed his people- his subjects. The moment felt so bittersweet. He wished that it could be him, bowing to Thorin or Fili. Not a day would go by that he wouldn't wish one of them was his king. But he needed to let go, he had realized during his hour of silence. It was time to move on, even though he didn't feel completely ready.

This was his kingdom, and the future of Erebor lay in his hands. That was a sobering thought. He still wasn't completely sure if he could remember to feed himself every day and to change his bedding once a week, he didn't know what they were thinking, giving him a kingdom to run.

He had made a short speech, talking about how this was the dawn of a new day, and how he hoped that the days of his reign would be peaceful and prosperous for the people, and promising to lead them well, but inside, he had felt like he might projectile vomit his sandwich all over the people and his guests.

Now he sat at dinner, Balin on his right hand side and his mother on his left. Eivor sat next to Dis, and Dain sat next to Balin, and his son, Thorin III next to him, then the company was seated on either side of them, Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur and Bombur seated next to Dain and his son, and Ori, Dori, Nori, Oin and Gloin seated on the other side. At the other head of the table were Thranduil and Bard, and Thranduil's son was seated at the far end next to Bombur, who looked on edge, and across from Legolas, next to Gloin, was Gimli.

All over the rest of the dining hall, others were seated. He could see some of his other friends seated at a table nearby, all of them looking like they would burst with pride- and food. Kili sighed. He was sure he would get used to this- he had no choice. But he still could not help but feel like everything was off.

"Tomorrow, Ori will sketch you for the official portrait," Balin told him suddenly. "I'm going to have a copy made for Bilbo. I thought he would like to have one in his hobbit hole."

Kili smiled and nodded. "I agree. It was a shame he left 3 months ago," he said sadly.

"It is a pity. But I am sure he is home now, and quite happy."

"I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't even to Rivendell," Kili said.

Balin grinned, looking almost mischievously. "Do not underestimate the power of Gandalf, nor the will of a hobbit who wishes dearly to be home," he said, with a conspiratorial wink.

Kili laughed at that. That hobbit really had missed home. "I suppose you're right. He will be glad to have settled."

Kili only hoped that for them things would get back to normal- or a new normal, anyways. He was ready to be settled- and ready to relax and enjoy Erebor and the presence of his friends and family. He was ready to have a place that was home. Fili and Thorin- his family- had always be home before. And now that he did not have them, he was quite ready to settled into Erebor and make it his home. He deserved that much, right?

* * *

A/N: I feel really bad for Fili, to be honest. His whole world has been completely changed, and it's incredibly frustrating for him. Of course, his emotions were also frustrating for me, because my muse wanted him to snap at Thorin, but I don't think Fili is ready for that confrontation yet. He really misses his brother, as well. Poor guy just can't catch a break.

Kili has started to move on a bit. I find writing him interesting because of how he compares himself to Thorin and Fili almost constantly. I'm quite excited to write him now that he's a King and see how that works for him when he's doing his Kingly duties. I think his motto is going to become "WWTAFD" (what would thorin and fili do?). I really loved him and Dis in this chapter- I hope to focus more on them in the next chapter. I feel like she has been holding in her own emotions to ease Kili's nerves and keep him from being upset.

The bit with carrot cake came from my cousin's birthday. Seriously, I had to hand grate like a pound of carrot. My hands were orange for two days. Poor Eivor (and later Ori) were probably grating WAY more than I did.

I really want to thank you all for the reviews. It seemed like I always get one right when I'm having an awful day, and it makes me smile. Remember that the more reviews I get, the more I want to write (although I will be taken a coupe days break because I have been SUPER distracted lately and I kind of want to play Lord of the Rings online, you know how it goes.).

and now before the Author Note gets longer than the actual chapter, I'll close this chapter out with 3 quick questions:

1) What do you think of the two storylines and specifically, how Fili and Kili are dealing?

2) What do you think of Eivor? I'm trying to make her as unsue as possible.

3) What was your favorite line or section or part of the chapter?

and now...*runs away into the sunset*


	7. Proud

**Chapter 7: Proud**

* * *

Fili scrubbed at his arms with a heavy sigh. His constant falling had left him fairly scratched up, and Bilbo had him bathing more than Fili thought to be natural. He had only filled the basin up to the level that one would fill it for a child, which made things difficult, but Fili would have trouble getting out otherwise. He said it would fight off any more infections, and rid him of the last of his infection, as part of his leg was likely still infected, as he ran a fever quite often. Dwarves didn't get sick easily, but Fili's injuries left him very vulnerable. And if there was one thing Fili hated, it was being vulnerable.

Fili missed the days of feeling invincible. He would never, not ever, feel invincible again. He would constantly be reminded of how easily broken he was. How a simple arrow had almost destroyed him- and just how destroyed he was remained to be seen.

He missed the days of fighting side by side with his brother, keeping watch not only for himself, but also for Kili. Nothing had been able to get through him and Kili. But it had made them arrogant, and they had thought that nothing could hurt them. And then, something had. And Fili didn't know he would ever feel quite safe again.

Truth be told, his heart broke for his little brother. Fili had Thorin, at least, to be there with a comforting hand when Fili was afraid. Kili had always come to Fili when he had been afraid. And a battle like that was terrifying. He pictured his brother, alone. Kili wouldn't voice his deepest fears to their mother or Eivor, nor to any member of the company.

Fili liked knowing his little brother was safe. It stemmed from the fact that for the first 15 or so years of Kili's life, Kili had been quite small, and easily injured. He had always been thin and lithe, much more so than most dwarves- but their father had been that way as well. Ori, as well, was thin and lithe; Fili had always reminded Kili when Kili had been upset about it. But the other dwarves near their age had both liked to tease Kili for it, and also not quite known had to be gentle before Kili had become less breakable. Kili had tried to tough it out, but Kili was always the more social of the two brothers, and it had wounded him to hear comments. He had simply never understood the need for hurtful, snide remarks. He'd even been prone to getting his feelings hurt when Thorin or Dwalin had made a comment meant in love that had come out wrong.

Fili really loved his brother. He really did. He had always worried about him. Kili had always been his Kili. His mother had always said that the two would sooner shave their heads then be separated. And she hadn't been wrong. Even now, after three months, Fili missed Kili's stupid comments and rash decisions. Even now, Fili felt the physical loss of his brother's presence by his side keenly. He could hardly bear to think of how Kili must feel- Fili at least knew his brother was alive. The pain from his leg was terrible, but somehow, the pain of not having Kili was even worse.

Fili sighed, awkwardly pulling the long tunic that Bilbo had given him back on before calling for help out. Thorin peered around the door, as if checking if Fili was decent, before coming into the room. "Where you waiting outside the door?" Fili asked, suspicious of how quickly his uncle had come in.

"No. Of course not," Thorin said gruffly, picking up a wash rag. "Do you need me to clean your leg for you?"

"The healer is coming later, Bilbo was concerned about the scratch on my arm from when I fell into the rose bush, it went pretty deep. " Fili explained. "He'll want to take a look at my leg too, so it should be okay for a couple of hours."

Thorin glared. "Well, we'll never know because we aren't taking chances," he scolded. "Stay there, I'm going to go boil some more water."

"Uncle Thorin," Fili groaned, his head falling back against the edge of the basin. He wanted to go back to the table that Bilbo and Thorin had set up for him in the study, where he could sit and write, or work on small crafting projects. He wanted to do things with his hands, to make things and maybe sell them, so he could pay the elves and Bilbo back for all their help.

"Don't argue with me," Thorin growled. "We're not risking your life," he said, turning out of the room and leaving. He came back a while later with a bucket filled with steaming water.

"Is this really necessary?" Fili asked as Thorin helped him out of the basin, having him sit on a chair. Thorin seated himself on a stool, and gently unwrapped the bandages.

"It's bleeding less now, that's a good sign," Thorin said, taking a towel and wiping at the wound. "It's healing, I think. Another good sign," he remarked. "I think it will be well enough to put the fake leg on it in a few months' time, so long as you are careful," he mused. Fili hissed in pain as Thorin applied the herbal mixture that Elrond had given them a recipe for. "There is still infection if you are in pain, I am afraid. "

"Elrond said that the infection would probably hold on for a while, but that it wasn't threatening anymore" Fili pointed out as Thorin wrapped his leg back up. He winced as a sharp pain ran up where his left calf should have been. He was so sick of having pain in a limb that he didn't even have anymore.

"Phantom pain?" Thorin asked, his eyes sympathetic. He had heard tale of how miserable phantom pain was- and Fili had complained that it was an almost constant reminder of what he had lost. Fili nodded, wincing as more pain shot up. "Bilbo should be back soon with more of that tea that the healers make for pain. He got them to make it extra strong since it didn't seem to be doing as much good as the elves' tonics did."

"It was like drinking orc blood," Fili announced. "About as thick as well."

"and how would you know what orc blood tastes like?" Thorin asked, raising an eyebrow in slight amusement and just a touch of horror.

"On the battle field, one landed on me," Fili said shortly, not really wishing to recall that painful memory. "It was vile. I thought that alone would kill me."

"That explains the infection, then. Who knows what diseases they have," Thorin mused, looking disgusted. "You can ask Bilbo for some sugar. Perhaps if we water it down and you simply drink more tea, it will be easier on you."

Fili nodded. "Bilbo offered me some but I wasn't feeling up to anything sweet yet," he admitted. Thorin smiled, looking pained, and reached for a towel.

"How about we get you out of there and into some clothes and we can go sit in the garden and whittle until Bilbo gets home? You need some fresh air," Thorin decided. The hobbit hole, while comfortable and cozy, could get stuff, especially at the back. Besides, that Lobelia hadn't stopped by today, and she would keep her distance with two dwarves on the front porch, a fact that they had learned last week. It was the least they could do for Bilbo. The hobbit had really put up with too much.

* * *

"Gimli, if you don't get out of this kitchen in the next five seconds, you are not eating tonight."

Kili paused as he walked into his chambers, looking confused. His mother was standing in his personal kitchens, her arms crossed over her chest, a ladle gripped threateningly in her hands. Gimli was standing on the other end of the kitchen, a scone in one hand, and a sheepish expression on his face.

He had moved into the King's chambers since his coronation, although there were still refurbishments to be done, the private study smelled something awful, no doubt something had died in there, and the second bedroom's door wouldn't even open. The larger bedroom, the kitchen, and all the living spaces, along with the bathroom were all useable, and along with another room which Nori had taken over as his headquarters as the Kings "Personal Secret Body Guard" to allow someone to use what should have been used for that purpose to live in for now.

"What's going on in here?" Kili asked, an amused expression on his face. He glanced around the room. Eivor and Ori were seated on the couch, whispering secretively, and he wondered if they were plotting against him, since this wasn't the first time he had noticed them scheming together, and they always stopped talking and laughing when he came close.

The study door was open, and voices were coming out of it. Balin must have gotten around to asking someone to clear it out, as a pile of important looking parchments were by the door. He groaned inwardly, he knew exactly who would be expected to go through those.

"I'm making dinner, and invited all of your friends," Dis said.

"The festival is still going on," Kili pointed out, sitting down at the table.

"Yes, but you are working so hard, and I thought that you deserved a bit of privacy tonight. It's only the company and their families, myself, and Eivor. I hope that's okay, dear," Dis smiled brightly at her son, and he laughed.

"It's fine," he said with a grin. She smiled, and then turned her attention back on Gimli.

"Now, I told you, get out of this kitchen," she scolded as he backed out. "Honestly, you lot have less manners than a pack of wild wolves."

Gimli laughed and took a seat opposite Kili. "So, cousin, how are your duties treating you?" he asked as Dis went back to whatever she was cooking.

"Exhausting, to say the least. The council members will never be pleased."

"Aye, my dad said that they have been extra ornery with you. Do you need me to come in and put the fear of my ax in them?"

"Nay, I don't think that would go over well. Besides, they hardly take me seriously, and I'm of age. They'd laugh you right out of the council room."

"I can vouch for that!" Ori butted in from across the room. He honestly could, he was a council member as a member of the company that had reclaimed Erebor, and being a few months away still from reaching the age of majority, a few of the council members from the Iron Hills had taken him less than seriously. Kili shot him a sympathetic smile, and Eivor patted his arm. Ori was a gentle soul, and so he was taken less seriously than he should have been anyways.

Gimli grumbled, but didn't argue, and then he puffed his chest out. "I don't understand how they can treat their king the way they do. You're the direct heir of Durin, and they should respect that,"

"They do respect that. They just think I'm too young, too unpredictable, too irresponsible, and they don't trust me yet. " Kili shrugged. "It will take time for them to respect me. My uncle always told Fili and me that true respect is earned, not demanded. And I'm just going to have to earn their respect, and then they'll see that they were wrong to doubt me. I wouldn't want them to respect me simply because I'm the king, or Durin's heir, or Thorin's nephew. "

"Aye, he's right, young Master Gimli," Balin said, leaving the study. "He will have to show them how worthy of their respect is before they willingly give it. They will doubt him until such a time he shows that he is just a good a king as the king his uncle never truly got to be. But I have faith, Kili is a good lad, and he learns fast. He will be a great king."

Kili blushed slightly and looked down with a smile. He'd only been king for two days now and already people were praising him. All he'd done was sit in a council meeting and preside over a couple of tournaments (he would have fought in them, but Oin was worried that he wasn't completely healed yet and could aggravate some wounds.). It was nothing worthy of Balin's confidence. But then again, Balin had known Kili since a few hours after his birth. If anyone knew Kili's potential, it was Balin.

"What needs to be done in the study?" Ori asked from the couch, moving so he was sitting on his knees and peering over the back. Kili hadn't noticed it before, but he had a quill behind his ear and ink smudges on his face. Taking a quick glance at Eivor, he noticed that she was similarly covered in ink, and he vaguely wondered what the two of them had been up to. He was growing concerned, really.

"Just some clearing out, and a deep cleaning. There's no physical damage. It seems that Thror left some food in his study, and of course, over a hundred years, things went bad. Especially as the dragon's fire and body heat negated the fact that the mountain gets quite cold. I'm surprised there was no smell or mold out here."

"I suppose that luck was on our side," Eivor surmised.

"When will the study be done?" Kili asked, curious.

"I would think within the week, as long as we don't run into any problems," Balin said thoughtfully. "Don't worry, we will be out of your hair and you will have your rooms to yourself as soon as we can manage," he assured.

Kili wasn't really sure he wanted to have his rooms to himself. He liked having people around, he loved the craziness. It distracted him from dwelling on Thorin and Fili. Late at night, when there was no one to distract him, he would lie in bed, and stare at the ceiling and play every moment over in his head. He would think back on every memory he had and wonder what he could have done differently, and think of the things he could have said, that he wanted to say and never did. He would lie there, consumed by regrets, until sleep took him. He hated being alone in his own thoughts, without any distractions or the company of others.

He wondered if it was the same for anyone else. Everyone, even Eivor and his mother, who had only been dealing with this for just under two weeks, seemed happy, to be moving on. His mother seemed sad at times, but she never really let it show. Eivor would sometimes looked pained, and both would sometimes look or sound as if they had recently been crying, but it never seemed as if they were dwelling on it. It was as if they had no trouble accepting it. And yet, he had been dwelling on it for 3 months, and it still felt like a stab in the heart at times.

He hurt. He ached. He longed for his older brother and his uncle, for their advice and guidance. He had never quite wanted something as much as he wanted to his older brother's ridiculous smirk and strut, or his uncle's bright but rare smile. It wasn't fair, in his mind, that he had to survive without them. He had never thought he would have to. He had known his uncle would die, but he had always thought that he would be old and senile before Fili died. That he would only have a few years without his brother

He didn't suppose he would ever not feel their loss.

* * *

"I miss them too, you know," Dis' voice sounded from the doorway. Kili looked up from the parchment he was reading, a confused look on his face. He hadn't even known she was in the room. He looked behind him, and then at her.

"How long were you in here?" Kili asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"Long enough to see you holding onto your brother's knife like it was your firstborn child," Dis said, with a sad face. "and crying," she added.

He had snuck away before dinner, to his mother's rooms, needing contact with the few possessions of Fili and Thorin's that had been recovered. A few of Fili's knives and throwing axes that had been found on the battlefield, a random bead that had belonged to Thorin, A leather wrist band that Kili had made Fili when he was 10 (the matching one that Fili had made Kili never left Kili's wrist), Thorin's bow, which had been return to them by Thranduil, and Thorin's old sword and a couple of other trinkets. The rest had been buried with them, or lost, or had yet to be unpacked from what Dis had brought with her.

"It still feels fresh," Kili admitted, rolling the parchment up. "Even after three months," he looked down.

"I wouldn't expect anything different." Dis dragged a chair over to him, sitting down. "You and your brother were rarely separated and never happy when you were. "

"Sometimes, I can't even remember his voice, or what their faces looked like."

"You will struggle to remember, because it will hurt too much- but when you are ready, you will be able to recall the memories like they only happened yesterday," Dis assured. "It was the same for Thorin and I when Frerin and our grandfather died.

Kili looked down. "How do you seem so strong? It never seems to grieve you," he gnawed on his lip nervously.

"Because I know that what Fili and Thorin would want isn't for me to be upset. They'd want to be happy- happy that I am home, in Erebor, happy that I have you, happy that Thorin saw Erebor reclaimed, even if he didn't get to enjoy it, happy that Fili died protecting his uncle and brother," Dis sighed. "I miss them dearly. No mother should ever see her child's grave, that's not how it was intended. But grief and I are old enemies, and grief does not hold onto me like it holds onto you."

Kili sighed. "I just wish they were here."

"I do too," Dis admitted. "I can still see Thorin in these chambers. He and Frerin shared the big room growing up, and then when Frerin was older, Frerin moved to his own chambers, but Thorin and I shared these. We had many happy times in here. He tried to teach me to bake once, and we ended up with more flour on us than in the whole of Erebor. I used to make him play with my dolls with me, and he never once complained. Frerin always complained about it, but they both always complied."

"He always said that a little sister was the greatest treasure he could ask for," Kili said. "He said that you, and by extension, Fili and I, were more precious to him then all the gold in Erebor, especially after Uncle Frerin died."

"He told your father the same, right before our wedding. He was always a bit over protective of me, but I always allowed it- he had lost so much and so had I. We always swore to stick together, to protect each other, until we died. For many, many years, he was all I had, and I was all he had."

"Fili and I were like that. Except, I think, if it came down to it, we would have protected you and Uncle Thorin first. "

"You boys always grieved me, giving up so much of your lives for your uncle. But you also made me so proud. He never asked for your undying devotion, and yet you willingly gave it. I was never more proud than the day that you and your brother told me that you were going to help your uncle reclaim Erebor, a kingdom you had never known, only heard of. But I was also never more terrified."

Kili swallowed. "He and I were terrified as well. But we had to reclaim Erebor, or die trying."

"That's what Fili told me right before you left. You boys were- and are- the most important thing to me. My boys. All three of you." Dis said, with a small smile. "That's why it hurts me to see you so sad, still. It kills me that a part of you will never be quite the same, ever again. That you feel so broken."

"It feels as if I will never be happy again," Kili said.

"You will be. These hard times will pass, and the clouds will part. Already, I know you are finding breaks in the clouds."

"I am. But the rain always falls harder afterwards," Kili said.

"It will, for a time. It may be many years before the rain never falls, a nd even then, it will randomly hurt. The pain never truly goes away- you just learn to live with it," Dis said.

"I don't know if I will ever be able to live with it," Kili said. "But I can live around it."

"You will surprise yourself," she said, and then they fell into silence. Dis stared at the knife on the table, slightly amused at how many knives her elder son had kept on his body at any given time. It was like she had given birth to a porcupine in some ways, or a walking armory. He had always gotten so stressed out if he didn't have a weapon on him, ever since he was about 15, and they had had many fights over his insistence on having a knife with him, even at the dinner table. She had given birth to a pair of silly boys, she had to admit, between Fili's resemblance of a porcupine and Kili's rash nature. And she had never loved anyone more than she loved them. Not even her own brothers.

"I came to a decision today," Kili said finally, speaking up.

"What kind of decision?" Dis asked, turning back to look at her son. A part of her still wanted to refer to him as her baby, or her youngest. But in all reality, he was her only son now. She swallowed back the painful thought, scolding herself. Fili was still her son, even if he was dead. And Thorin was still her brother. It hadn't been that hard when Frerin had died- she wondered why it was somehow different.

"About Eivor," Kili said. "She and Fili were engaged. And I'm technically his next of kin, and that means I need to take care of her. Most dwarves only love once- it's improbable that she'll ever marry now. And that means, as Fili's brother, it's my duty to make sure she's safe, and comfortable, until either she or I die. She's also my friend, which means, even if she wasn't- even if Fili hadn't been involved with her, it would be wrong of me not to make sure she was going to be okay."

"That's not expected of you, Kili. She has a brother, and she can take care of herself," Dis said, shaking her head.

"I know. But I want to. Fili would want me to make sure she was living like she would if they had married. It's the least I can do," he said. "She's family now, and family takes care of each other."

Dis looked at her son and then smiled. "That's between you and her, but I doubt she'll want you to coddle her."

Kili shrugged. "I won't go that far. But, I was thinking, the mother of the King needs companions, right? Eivor would make a wonderful companion for you. She can move into these chambers, and then I can keep an eye on her, and you, and you two can keep an eye on me. Just like how family should."

"I think that's a wonderful idea- Dain keeps asking me why I don't have anyone who would stay by my side when I travel, or get older- I did remind him that I am still in the prime of my life, thank you very much."

Kili smiled. "I guess I'll just talk to her then. I just have to do what Fili would want, and I know he'd want this. "

Dis smiled softly. "You really make me proud," she said. Sometimes, she was really blown away by how good, and caring her son really was. Never had any mother been quite as lucky as she was, to have had two sons who were so good.

* * *

A/N: I am so sorry that this has taken so long and is so short. I have been having trouble getting everything to flow right.

I really love Dis and Kili's relationship, as well as Thorin and Fili's. I'm going to try to add in a couple flashbacks, so look out for those in the next couple chapters. I'm also hoping to start having Kili start to figure out that something is fishy about Thorin and Fili's deaths, and the secrets that Balin is keeping.

Reviews help my writers block and they make me want to write :) You can tell me what your favorite part was, or a random joke, or about how your day was, or give me suggestions, or anything you want :) I want to know how my readers are doing. Who else do you guys think knows about Fili and Thorin being alive? How do you think Kili will find out?


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